Your Philosophy

Post by **Jeff** » Mon May 21, 2007 4:41 pm

We now officially have two memes

Colicedus · Post by **Colicedus** » Mon May 21, 2007 8:20 pm

What I am saying IS, People WHERE THEM because they THINK that there punches will be better, when in truth, they inflict little damage boost at all. People with Strong Punches don't need them because they can Give some one a bleed without that crap.

anyway U479, I bet your mother is REALY proud of you, running around your school like a crazy with tacks...

wormguy · Post by **wormguy** » Mon May 21, 2007 9:26 pm

Usagi, you have once again reminded me that you are awesome.

I'd also like to point out that this conversation basically involves U479 digging himself into a philosophical hole.

I don't believe you when you say you are amoral. That's just ridiculous. I'm sure you go around punching everyone who threatens you because that's what's better for you.

Maybe you don't do your homework because you believe that it serves no purpose. Or maybe you do your homework because you sincerely believe that it will better you intellectually.

Maybe you lend your friend money because you hope that your friend will do something nice for you later. Or maybe you don't because you're afraid you'll need the cash later.

You can defend any action by claiming to be amoral, which makes it a useless "philosophical belief". It's just an excuse for being a selfish, self-centered bastard.

I do, however, agree with your sentiments about drug legality. And you have pretty good grammar for a 12 year old.

Zantalos · Post by **Zantalos** » Mon May 21, 2007 10:04 pm

Jeff wrote:We now officially have two memes

Seriously, thumbtacks are not lethal weapons, you are not a bad ass for sticking thumbtacks in your watch. It's a thumbtack! Not brass knuckles, little 3 cm long needles that are even shorter because you have to hold them between your knuckles, it doesn't work. If you seriously tried defending yourself with them they would get kicked out of your hand and you would just get yourself hurt, it's so stupid.

BunnyWithStick · Post by **BunnyWithStick** » Mon May 21, 2007 11:16 pm

Unless you welded spikes to your set of brass knuckles, of course.

Also, what meme do we have now? Thumbtacks? Brass knuckles? Thumbtacks-in-watch? Geeze.

Also again: Says who? Build a homemade thumbtack gun and you'll find they're pretty lethal.

Zantalos · Post by **Zantalos** » Mon May 21, 2007 11:29 pm

Oh man, this is so stupid.

Did you know that pears are a dangerous weapon? Yeah, you fire them out of a cannon and I think you'll find that they're pretty lethal.

I'm gonna keep one in my man bag from now on.

wormguy · Post by **wormguy** » Mon May 21, 2007 11:41 pm

Zantalos wrote:Oh man, this is so stupid.

Did you know that pears are a dangerous weapon? Yeah, you fire them out of a cannon and I think you'll find that they're pretty lethal.

I'm gonna keep one in my man bag from now on.

Ultimatum479 · Post by **Ultimatum479** » Tue May 22, 2007 1:15 am

wormguy wrote:I'm sure you go around punching everyone who threatens you because that's what's better for you.

*sigh* As I've mentioned many times now, they're there for self defense only. (That and occasionally poking people to get their attention if I need to borrow something.) So far, they haven't seen use aside from intimidation purposes to end a fight before it started, and even that only once. Punching everyone would _not_ be better for me, as it doesn't benefit me in any way while it brings the wrath of the police down upon me.

wormguy wrote:Maybe you don't do your homework because you believe that it serves no purpose. Or maybe you do your homework because you sincerely believe that it will better you intellectually.

Maybe you lend your friend money because you hope that your friend will do something nice for you later. Or maybe you don't because you're afraid you'll need the cash later.

Actually, I don't do my homework because I'm too lazy and/or I forget.

On the note of ranged thumbtack use, thumbtacks are fun to fire using rubber bands as well, although I'm still in the process of improving my accuracy with rubber band slingshots in general.

Grayswandir · Post by **Grayswandir** » Tue May 22, 2007 10:18 am

One time in highschool I made a giant, transforming robot out of 3x5 notecards and tape. It was really, really cool. I wish I still had it. It looked like one of those Valkyries from Macross.

...

I don't know what this had to do with the topic, but it seemed appropriate.

Post by **David** » Tue May 22, 2007 12:38 pm

Ultimatum479 wrote:What? It's true. I always have three thumbtacks hidden in my watch, and I can slip 'em between my knuckles in a matter of a second, turning my above-average punch into a lethal weapon.

Wow, I am not sure how I missed this... that has to be one of the worst ideas I have ever heard. If you are in a fight, the last thing you want to do is poke your opponent with a thumbtack. That would escalate the fight to a cutting-weapon level without actually inflicting any damage, and you have no idea what your opponent is carrying. There were kids in my high school who carried around butterfly knives. What do you think would happen if you started attacking them with thumbtacks? The kind of kids who get into fights all the time are the kinds of kids who will be carrying real weapons, and you don't want them to use them. Seriously, if you are in a fight in a school and you want to start using weapons, you would be better off just grabbing something like a textbook or a chair than flailing around with thumbtacks.

In any case, the traditional way to make your fist spiky (if this actually seems like a good idea for some reason) is to use your keys. They are longer, less dangerous to yourself, and in your pocket anyway. It is not possible to actually inflict serious damage with a spiky fist, so you could just go for the eyes and hope that your attacker decides it's not worth it and runs away.

I don't really know why I am seriously discussing self-defense with thumbtacks.

Usagi · Post by **Usagi** » Tue May 22, 2007 12:43 pm

After thinking about the ever-engaging topic of thumb-tacks, I have come to the conclusion that we're actually talking about pushpins.

It was never clear how thumbtacks could be held in a fist without puncturing your own delicate little phalanges, but a pushpin! Now that's a different pointed object altogether!

And as for pears, well Zantalos wrote:Did you know that pears are a dangerous weapon?

Alexander the Great died from choking on a pear! [No wait, that was his little butt buddy....Oh well...On to...]

Todays' Lesson: How To Protect Yourself From Fresh Fruit!

Turner: Now, self-defense. Today I shall be carrying on from where we got to yesterday when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you armed with a piece of fresh fruit.
Fiver: Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit today.
Turner: What do you mean?
Aspen: We've done fruit the last nine days.
Turner: What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?
Fiver: Can't we do something else?
Hawk: Like, what if a Raider attacks you with a chainsaw?
Turner: Chainsaw? Oh, oh, oh... we want to learn how to defend ourselves against chainsaws, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh? Well I'll tell you something, my lad. When you're walking back to your tent tonight and some great homicidal Wanderer comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your foe lunges at you with a passion fruit--
Rabbits: We done the passion fruit.
Turner: What?
Jack: We done the passion fruit.
Fiver: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...
Aspen: Whole and segments.
Fiver: Pomegranates, greengages...
Jack: Grapes, passion fruit...
Fiver: Lemons...
Aspen: Plums...
Jack: Mangoes in syrup...
Turner: How about cherries?
Rabbits: We did them.
Turner: Red and black?
Rabbits: Yes!
Turner: All right, pears.
(All of the Rabbits sigh loudly)
Turner: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Pears. How to defend yourself against an enemy armed with a pear. Now you, come at me with this pear. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a Raider armed with a pear. First of all, you force him to drop the pear. Then, second, you eat the pear, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
Fiver: Suppose he's got a pair?
Turner: Shut up.
Hawk: Suppose he's got a chainsaw.
Turner: Shut up! Right, now you, Mr. Apricot.
Jack: Jack.
Turner: Sorry, Mr. Jack. Come at me with that pear. Hold it like that, that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on, come at me! Come at me then!
(Turner pulls out a pushpin and stabs Jack)
Jack: (dies) Aaagh!
Turner: Now, I eat the pear.
Fiver: You stabbed him!
Aspen: He's dead!
Hawk: He's completely dead!
Turner: I have now eaten the pear. The deceased, Mr. Apricot, is now 'elpless.
Fiver: You stabbed him. You stabbed him dead.
Turner: Well, he was attacking me with a pear.
Aspen: But you told him to.
Turner: Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.
Hawk: And chainsaws.
Turner: Shut up.
Fiver: Suppose I'm attacked by a Raider with a pear and I haven't got a pushpin?
Turner: Run for it.
Aspen: You could stand and scream for help.
Turner: Yeah, you try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.
Aspen: A pineapple?
Turner: Where? Where?!
Aspen: No, no... I just said "a pineapple."
Turner: Oh. Phew... I thought my number was on that one.
Aspen: What, on the pineapple?
Turner: Where? Where?!
Aspen: No, I was just repeating it.
Turner: Oh. Oh, I see. Phew, right, that's pears then. Now the raspberry. There we are... harmless looking thing, isn't it? Now you, Mr. Golden Delicious.
Aspen: Aspen.
Turner: Aspen. Come at me with that raspberry. Come on. Be as vicious as you like with it.
Aspen: No.
Turner: Why not?
Aspen: You'll stab me.
Turner: I won't.
Aspen: You stabbed Jack.
Turner: That was self-defense. Now come on. I promise I won't stab you.
Hawk: You promised you'd tell us about chainsaws.
Turner: Shut up. Come on, brandish that raspberry. Come at me with it. Give me Hell.
Aspen: Throw the pushpin away.
Turner: I haven't got a pushpin.
Aspen: You have.
Turner: Haven't.
Aspen: You stabbed Jack with it.
Turner: Oh, that pushpin.
Aspen: Throw it away.
Turner: Oh, all right then. How to defend yourself against a raspberry... without a pushpin.
Aspen: You were going to stab me!
Turner: I wasn't.
Aspen: You were!
Turner: No, I wasn't. I wasn't. Come on then, come at me. Come on you weed! You weed, do your worst! Come on, you puny little bunny. You weed... (Turner pulls a lever on a nearby tree causing a 16-ton floating block to fall out of the sky on Aspen)
[CRASH]
Aspen: (dies) Aaagh--
Turner: If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, just pull the lever and the 16-ton floating block will fall on top of him.
Fiver: Suppose there isn't a 16-ton floating block?
Turner: Well that's planning, innit? Forethought. Just make sure you’re on level 5 or 10.
Fiver: How many 16-ton floating blocks are there?
Turner: Look, look, look, Mr. Know-it-all. The 16-ton floating block is just one way of dealing with a raspberry killer. There are millions of others!
Hawk: Like what?
Turner: Putting a pushpin through him?
Fiver: What if you haven't got a pushpin or a 16-ton floating block?
Turner: Look, look... alright, smarty-pants. You two, yes... you two. Come at me then with red currants. Come on, both of you. Whole basket each.
Fiver: No pushpins?
Turner: No.
Fiver: No 16-ton floating blocks?
Turner: No.
Hawk: No chainsaws?
Turner: Shut up.
Fiver: No avalanche of rocks?
Turner: No.
Fiver: And you won't kill us?
Turner: I won't.
Fiver: Promise?
Turner: I promise I won't kill you. Now, are you going to attack me?
Fiver and Hawk: Oh, all right.
Turner: Right, now don't rush me this time. Try to stealth kill me. Do it properly. Stalk me. I'll turn my back. Crouch walk up behind me-- close behind me... then in with the red currants! Right? Okay, start moving. Now the first thing to do when you're being stalked by bloodthirsty Raiders with red currants is to-- release the Alpha Wolf!
[Ggggrrroooaaaawwwwlll]
Rabbits: Run AWAY!
Turner: The great advantage of the wolf in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe, but also the red currants. Wolves, however, do NOT relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile. Right! Now, the rest of you. Where are you? I know you're hiding somewhere with your damsons and prunes. Well, come on... I'm ready for you!

Post by **David** » Tue May 22, 2007 12:49 pm

ChazFox wrote:He doesn't contradict himself if his statements refer to getting punched in different locations. A strong punch with three thumbtacks to the chest wouldn't do too much damage. But even a weak punch, if aimed at the jugular, could be lethal if it's strong enough to pierce the skin.

I don't think anyone could do serious damage with a thumbtack even if he attacked the jugular vein. First of all, he probably wouldn't know where it is (if you think you do, look it up, it is probably not where you thought), and even if he did, it is small and hard to hit. Second, it is a thumbtack. It will create a very small puncture, and you can't make it bigger by tearing because it is totally round and designed not to tear. Since he would be hitting a vein instead of an artery, the pressure is relatively low and the bleeding will stop quickly from such a small wound.

A pushpin, on the other hand, would indeed be much more effective.

ChazFox · Post by **ChazFox** » Tue May 22, 2007 12:52 pm

How do you come up with these things, Usagi?

Awesome Monty Python reference, and a little reference to our new meme too XD You win countless internets for that one.

invertin · Post by **invertin** » Tue May 22, 2007 2:33 pm

David wrote:In any case, the traditional way to make your fist spiky (if this actually seems like a good idea for some reason) is to use your keys.

V-nix has a little elastic thingy on his keys, so he could use it like a flail.

ChazFox · Post by **ChazFox** » Tue May 22, 2007 3:06 pm

David wrote:In any case, the traditional way to make your fist spiky (if this actually seems like a good idea for some reason) is to use your keys.

For some reason I'm reminded of Dylan Moran's live stand up:

Dylan Moran wrote:Whenever I walked the streets at night, I'd reach into my pocket and grab my keys, and push them between the spaces of my fingers, so if I did have to punch [A yob/violent youth], I'd fuckin' KILL EM!