Flagpole
Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 5:55 am
For those who remember me- Yes, I'm back.
For those who don't, I did a series of reviews, but I quickly got bored of them. Next, I started the topic "I suck at Pokemon" where I detailed my journey from pokemonless to pokemon master.
Except I never really made it there because my gameboy broke, and by the time I got a new one I had no idea what I was supposed to do and I'd forgotten a lot of stuff since the last update.
So, here is "I suck at Pokemon 2". Now we're heading off to Pokemon Ruby!
Which is odd because normally I completely reject the newer generations.
As I watched the intro, I realized just how stupid the male character looks.
...That, is the male character, right?
Ok, he rides away. Some other stuff happens.. Right. Start menu.
Ok. Birch. Birch can't tell my gender, but considering what the male looks like right now, the only real way to tell would be to pull down our trousers, and I can tell why he doesn't do that.
YES BIRCH I AM A GUY
My name is- Ok, who's idea was it to call someone "landon"? What kind of name is Landon?
Anyway, the last I suck at Pokemon I named myself pretzel because I couldn't be bothered to come up with a real name. So, pretzel it is again.
Yes. My name is pretzel. I already said that. Stupid scientist...
...Wait? I don't have a rival? What is Pokemon without a nameable rival!?
Damnit it's always been Pretzel V Onion!
No! Don't you shrink me! GET BACK HERE! GRAAAHH!
...Right. So now I'm a midget in a shaky room. I already know about this game, so I can only assume this is the moving van.
Wow. It looked alot bigger on the inside. Oh. Hi mom. Speaking of which, what kind of parent would name their kid Pretzel? Or Landon? I know you were considering it. The professor in my head told me so.
"Well, this is LITTLEROOT TOWN."
Littleroot? Was it named after a really small tree?
"And, you get your own room, Pretzel!
Let's go inside."
What? My own room? Have you kept me in the basement or something? Maybe I was actually raised in the back of that van. It would explain why I have white hair - I've gone albino from not getting any sun.
"See, Pretzel?
Isn't it nice in here too?"
OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING HOLDING MY TV!
Er. Our tv.
"The movers pokemon-"
I don't care anymore. Shut up. While the mover pokemon stand around and run around in circles, I have to go upstairs and do... Something. Maybe I should have listened to my mom.
Gamecube? Better have smash bros. Or Luigi's mansion. Oh wait, I have a computer! I could post this on wolfire!... WHAT THE HELL? WHO PUT THIS POTION IN MY COMPUTER!? HOW DID THEY PUT IT IN MY COMPUTER!? WHA-
Actually. Considering I'm a guy called pretzel who was raised in a van and there are two giant muscle men pokemon things downstairs running around in circles and holding boxes, this is fairly normal.
Broken clock? Um. Let's set it to...
Oh wait! I know! Instead of setting it to the real time...
Yeah. I spun it round with my eyes closed and said that'll do. Then I decided it wouldn't, so I set it to the real time.
Huh. Now the clocks are facing the complete wrong wa-
HOLY CRAP. DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT USELESS MOTHER.
They finished moving? But they didn't do anything!
Alright, so I have to check my desk. It's a book.
A book with 2 pages.
2 pages of stuff I already know.
I'll get to the actual pokemon soon, I swear.
Down the stairs.. And- OH GODAMNIT MOM JUST LET ME GO!
I DON'T CARE ABOUT PETALBURG! I WANT TORCHIC ALREADY! OH GOD SHE'S HOLDING ME STILL I CAN'T MOVE! ARGHH!
*struggle*
Oh thank god... Wait, Prof. Birch? You mean the scientist who talked to me in my head? He's real? What happened to Prof. Oak?
.. Hey. My costume looks significantly less stupid in midget form.
Anyway- We all know what happens next, the Prof isn't at his house, so he's in the tall grass.
...Or not, stupid midget kid won't let me through.
Uh... I'm lost. Already.
Let's check this house-
Paraphrasing- "Welcome to the town! My daughter was looking forward to making a friend, I think she's upstairs."
...Uh. Right. Bye lady.
I went back to the lab and talked to the scientist who told me a long and fancy way of saying "He's out." so I went "out" to get him..
FRICKEN MIDGET KID.
ALRIGHT! FINE! YOU WIN, GAME! I'LL BE WHAT'SERFACES FRIEND!
Oh. It's May. May V Pretzel? Nah. That doesn't work. It needs to be Onion V Pretzel.
Wait, Birch is your dead? Does sneaking into people's dreams and nightmares run in the family? Because you look familiar...
"I've just met you"?
I didn't ask for sex or anything. I'm pretty sure my character shouldn't even know about that, damnit. Now you've made me sound like a pedophile.
Help your dad catch pokemon? Good luck. Stupid Midget kid in the blue shirt...
..Wait? He just.. Let me through? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME THROUGH EARLIER!?
Alright, starter pokemon...
Of all of the new pokemon, there are about 4 or 5 that don't make me roll my eyes at their design. One of them is Torchic. GO TORCHIC!
Huh. I don't get why he's so scared of the poochyena. It looks like it's asleep.
Anyway- FEAR MY SCRATCH!
...Scratch? Where's the firebreath and burningness? Oh well.
There we go. Now I can get to the bottom of this.
WHO ARE YOU?
WHY ARE YOU IN MY HEAD?
ARE YOU GMAN?
Meet you at the la- WHAT THE? TELEPORT? HE IS GMAN!
Ok. Gbirch gave me the Torchic from earlier.
Ow my ears.. Why does everyone shout these things? TORCHIC.. LITTLEROOT. Hell, the computer even screamed at me "POTION".
Nickname...
Nickname......
Niiiicknaaaaamme....
Polly? Nah. Need something FIREY.
...Blaze... Ezalb? EZALB! No.
Screw it. You are now called Pepper. FROM NOW ON, ALL POKEMON WILL BE NAMED AFTER VEGETABLES AND FRUIT AS A HOMAGE TO POOR OLD ONION.
Hopefully he won't scream PEPPER at me.
Hahaha-
"My kid, MAY, is out on ROUTE 103 studying POKEMON."
Gotta love the random shouting.
Uh. See May? Hm. Nah. I'll go do my own thing first.
What the- I said no.
No.
NO!
GODAMNIT FINE.
....
AHAHAHA.
FREEDOM!
ROUTE 101 HAS NEVER MADE ME SO HAPPY.
I'm going to capture some pokemanz and train for a bit, I'll update later.
For those who don't, I did a series of reviews, but I quickly got bored of them. Next, I started the topic "I suck at Pokemon" where I detailed my journey from pokemonless to pokemon master.
Except I never really made it there because my gameboy broke, and by the time I got a new one I had no idea what I was supposed to do and I'd forgotten a lot of stuff since the last update.
So, here is "I suck at Pokemon 2". Now we're heading off to Pokemon Ruby!
Which is odd because normally I completely reject the newer generations.
As I watched the intro, I realized just how stupid the male character looks.
...That, is the male character, right?
Ok, he rides away. Some other stuff happens.. Right. Start menu.
Ok. Birch. Birch can't tell my gender, but considering what the male looks like right now, the only real way to tell would be to pull down our trousers, and I can tell why he doesn't do that.
YES BIRCH I AM A GUY
My name is- Ok, who's idea was it to call someone "landon"? What kind of name is Landon?
Anyway, the last I suck at Pokemon I named myself pretzel because I couldn't be bothered to come up with a real name. So, pretzel it is again.
Yes. My name is pretzel. I already said that. Stupid scientist...
...Wait? I don't have a rival? What is Pokemon without a nameable rival!?
Damnit it's always been Pretzel V Onion!
No! Don't you shrink me! GET BACK HERE! GRAAAHH!
...Right. So now I'm a midget in a shaky room. I already know about this game, so I can only assume this is the moving van.
Wow. It looked alot bigger on the inside. Oh. Hi mom. Speaking of which, what kind of parent would name their kid Pretzel? Or Landon? I know you were considering it. The professor in my head told me so.
"Well, this is LITTLEROOT TOWN."
Littleroot? Was it named after a really small tree?
"And, you get your own room, Pretzel!
Let's go inside."
What? My own room? Have you kept me in the basement or something? Maybe I was actually raised in the back of that van. It would explain why I have white hair - I've gone albino from not getting any sun.
"See, Pretzel?
Isn't it nice in here too?"
OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING HOLDING MY TV!
Er. Our tv.
"The movers pokemon-"
I don't care anymore. Shut up. While the mover pokemon stand around and run around in circles, I have to go upstairs and do... Something. Maybe I should have listened to my mom.
Gamecube? Better have smash bros. Or Luigi's mansion. Oh wait, I have a computer! I could post this on wolfire!... WHAT THE HELL? WHO PUT THIS POTION IN MY COMPUTER!? HOW DID THEY PUT IT IN MY COMPUTER!? WHA-
Actually. Considering I'm a guy called pretzel who was raised in a van and there are two giant muscle men pokemon things downstairs running around in circles and holding boxes, this is fairly normal.
Broken clock? Um. Let's set it to...
Oh wait! I know! Instead of setting it to the real time...
Yeah. I spun it round with my eyes closed and said that'll do. Then I decided it wouldn't, so I set it to the real time.
Huh. Now the clocks are facing the complete wrong wa-
HOLY CRAP. DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT USELESS MOTHER.
They finished moving? But they didn't do anything!
Alright, so I have to check my desk. It's a book.
A book with 2 pages.
2 pages of stuff I already know.
I'll get to the actual pokemon soon, I swear.
Down the stairs.. And- OH GODAMNIT MOM JUST LET ME GO!
I DON'T CARE ABOUT PETALBURG! I WANT TORCHIC ALREADY! OH GOD SHE'S HOLDING ME STILL I CAN'T MOVE! ARGHH!
*struggle*
Oh thank god... Wait, Prof. Birch? You mean the scientist who talked to me in my head? He's real? What happened to Prof. Oak?
.. Hey. My costume looks significantly less stupid in midget form.
Anyway- We all know what happens next, the Prof isn't at his house, so he's in the tall grass.
...Or not, stupid midget kid won't let me through.
Uh... I'm lost. Already.
Let's check this house-
Paraphrasing- "Welcome to the town! My daughter was looking forward to making a friend, I think she's upstairs."
...Uh. Right. Bye lady.
I went back to the lab and talked to the scientist who told me a long and fancy way of saying "He's out." so I went "out" to get him..
FRICKEN MIDGET KID.
ALRIGHT! FINE! YOU WIN, GAME! I'LL BE WHAT'SERFACES FRIEND!
Oh. It's May. May V Pretzel? Nah. That doesn't work. It needs to be Onion V Pretzel.
Wait, Birch is your dead? Does sneaking into people's dreams and nightmares run in the family? Because you look familiar...
"I've just met you"?
I didn't ask for sex or anything. I'm pretty sure my character shouldn't even know about that, damnit. Now you've made me sound like a pedophile.
Help your dad catch pokemon? Good luck. Stupid Midget kid in the blue shirt...
..Wait? He just.. Let me through? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME THROUGH EARLIER!?
Alright, starter pokemon...
Of all of the new pokemon, there are about 4 or 5 that don't make me roll my eyes at their design. One of them is Torchic. GO TORCHIC!
Huh. I don't get why he's so scared of the poochyena. It looks like it's asleep.
Anyway- FEAR MY SCRATCH!
...Scratch? Where's the firebreath and burningness? Oh well.
There we go. Now I can get to the bottom of this.
WHO ARE YOU?
WHY ARE YOU IN MY HEAD?
ARE YOU GMAN?
Meet you at the la- WHAT THE? TELEPORT? HE IS GMAN!
Ok. Gbirch gave me the Torchic from earlier.
Ow my ears.. Why does everyone shout these things? TORCHIC.. LITTLEROOT. Hell, the computer even screamed at me "POTION".
Nickname...
Nickname......
Niiiicknaaaaamme....
Polly? Nah. Need something FIREY.
...Blaze... Ezalb? EZALB! No.
Screw it. You are now called Pepper. FROM NOW ON, ALL POKEMON WILL BE NAMED AFTER VEGETABLES AND FRUIT AS A HOMAGE TO POOR OLD ONION.
Hopefully he won't scream PEPPER at me.
Hahaha-
"My kid, MAY, is out on ROUTE 103 studying POKEMON."
Gotta love the random shouting.
Uh. See May? Hm. Nah. I'll go do my own thing first.
What the- I said no.
No.
NO!
GODAMNIT FINE.
....
AHAHAHA.
FREEDOM!
ROUTE 101 HAS NEVER MADE ME SO HAPPY.
I'm going to capture some pokemanz and train for a bit, I'll update later.