Joke of the Day

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Starrz
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Starrz » Fri Mar 06, 2009 9:19 am

(Feel free to post your own jokes everybody)

2/6/09

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

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Starrz
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Starrz » Sat Mar 07, 2009 6:20 pm

2/7/09

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."

The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."

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Starrz
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Starrz » Sun Mar 08, 2009 10:21 am

3/8/09

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton of money off the stock market and decided to retire to a ranch in Montana. One day he was out in his front yard planting some flowers when he sees dirt flying up behind a truck. The truck pulls into his driveway and a famer gets out of his truck.
"Hi, my name is Bob. I'm your neighbor. I live about five miles away and I came to invite you to a party I am having tonight."
"What kind of a party is it?" asks the stockbroker.
"Oh, we're going to do a little dancing, a little fighting, a little eating, little drinking, and a little screwing."
"That sounds great,' said the stockbroker. "What should I wear?"
"I don't care," said Bob. "It's just gonna be the two of us."

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Count Roland
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Count Roland » Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:37 am

Confucius say Foolish man give wife grand piano
Wise man give wife upright organ.

inappropriate no?

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Starrz
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Starrz » Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:26 pm

3/10/09

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

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Count Roland
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Count Roland » Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:02 am

of course back than they hadn't numbered his symphonies yet but still a good joke.
hahah

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Glabbit
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Glabbit » Wed Mar 11, 2009 8:39 am

Nice one! I chuckled. =D

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Untadaike
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Untadaike » Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:39 am

Nice jokes! Here's the best motorcycle joke ever:

A guy (classic) is walking through a pine forest. Suddenly, he has a notion. He walks quickly over to a tree and pulls down a branch. He kisses the needles lightly. (??) As he does that, he hears a motorcycle engine in the distance, even though it is miles to any roads. The guy has just enough time to murmur the word "potato" before a branch from far above breaks and falls on his head, killing him.

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Glabbit
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Glabbit » Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:57 am

...wat?
Chainsaw?
I don't get it...

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invertin
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by invertin » Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:09 pm

Yep. The engine was a chainsaw.

...Why the heck did he kiss the tree and say "potato"!?

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Lotus's GF
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Lotus's GF » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:44 pm

I dont get it either, can someone please explain it to me?

I got the chainaw part but not the kissing the needles or the saying of "potato"...?

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Chainsaw man
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Chainsaw man » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:49 pm

In China, there is a woman giving birth to a child every minute.
WE MUST STOP THAT WOMAN!

(Chainsaw man on the Chinese birth control act)

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Groveller
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Groveller » Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:07 am

Three women walk into a pub. The first says, "Yes, sisters, we've successfully colonised a male-dominated joke format!"

The second says, "Aren't my breasts amazing?"

The third sighs, and says, "It's always going to be a man telling this, isn't it?"

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Glabbit
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Glabbit » Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:21 am

Starzz! Moar!

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Starrz
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Starrz » Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:00 pm

Sorry, I don't have any for right naow! I guarntee some this Wednesday! :)

EDIT: But fer naow I'm gonna put in this silly picture :)
epic-fail2.jpg
epic-fail2.jpg (53.59 KiB) Viewed 3280 times

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