Wolfire Games Forums

Some people have probably already seen this, but read over it again because I made a couple more up

Governments:

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows, The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Then it gives you a tax invoice

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows, you sell one and buy a bull, your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them all and retire on the income.

ANARCHISM

You have two cows. You stole them from a nearby farmer.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM
You have two white blobs. They disappear when you squint your eyes.

APOCALYPTICISM:
You have two cows. One of them eats some grass. It's a sign that the end is nigh!

ATHEISM:
You don’t believe in cows.

Corporations:

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

Nobody argues because they have no idea what you are saying.

A UNDERGROUND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell them to by drugs.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows, you go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows, you redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. Then you create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows and 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, and high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go into an agreement with an american corporation and make a worldwide bovine trade agreement. You now have 2000 cows. The American corporation goes broke.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows, but you tell them you have none. Then the bureaucratic governments invade your country. Now they have all your cows.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You roast them for a BBQ

CZECH CORPORATION 

You have two cows. They seem okay to you but nobody else understands them.

AZTEC CORPORATION
You capture two cows in battle. You sacrifice them to the gods to make sure the sun rises.

SOVIET CORPORATION

You have two cows. They milk you

MODERN SCIENTIFIC CORPORATION

You have two cows, you kill one for research purposes then you are burned alive by an animal rights group.

MEDIEVAL SCIENTIFIC CORPORATION

You have two cows, you kill one for research purposes then you are burned at the stake for witchcraft.

SWEDISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You bought them from IKEA and assembled them by yourself because it was cheaper.

A DARWIN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Since you are above them in the food chain you eat them. They didn’t appear to adapt very well.

FEMINIST CORPORATION

You have two cows. They refuse to be milked because bulls aren't subjected to the indignity of being milked and there's NO difference between cows and bulls.

OVERSEAS CORPORATION

You have two cows. They ring up people in other countries about discounts for foxtel.

AMERICAN SAMARITAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. you feel sorry for your neighbor and give him a cow.

AMERICAN DEMOCRAT-ISM
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You elect an official to tax you on your cows until your neighbor gets enough money to buy a cow. You feel righteous.

AMERICAN REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
So?

(Goes back to lurking)
PS: Do any of you want me to keep going on the fan fic?

yeah!

tomascokis wrote:A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Correction:

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
Then you remember that you're already having an affair with the sheep in the other paddock.

tomascokis wrote:BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Then it gives you a tax invoice

ATHEISM:
You don’t believe in cows.

These are my favs!
And yes, I do Kestril!

ME: you have the three spiders, one makes a web, one is taken away for testing,
and the last eats the spider that made the web.

after that you learn that the spider that got taken away is now a huge monster and it eats you. once it eats you it starts a family and conquers the world.

Me-

I have two cows. They soar into the sky and loom above me. Slimy bat-like wings emerge from their backs as their hooves turn into tentacles and their eyes glow red. The sky turns a dark shade of crimson as the cows slowly descent upon me as ominous whispering voices surround me. The sky suddenly catches alight as the world begins to burn. The sun freezes over while the fire rises up and the world can only be seen in silhouette. Tentacles emerge from every side and spot of the black shape of the still descending cows and the two combine, forming a gigantic shape that blocked out the flames of the sky as the whispering grows louder and the sky burns brighter. The tentacles of the great beast reach into the ground and more tentacles grow from it. I look down and see a million red eyes staring at me from the now converted planet as it merges with the demented demon, the tentacles grab me and pull me down into the earth.

For a moment, all is silent and dark. I feel weightless, with nothing but the endless darkness around me. The whispering is gone, but I can still tell I am inside the dark beast. I feel something touch my leg. I look down and realize a slimy black tentacle is reaching out towards me. I try to push myself away, but the tentacle has already wrapped itself around my leg. I try to kick the tentacle away, but another reaches out. Even as I tried to pull myself free, more tentacles grabbed my remaining limbs. I looked down at my legs, noticing the blackness from the tentacle had started to spread up my leg, painfully. I screamed and struggled, but it only hastened the spread as the blackness covered me. I heard the whispering return, but now I could hear it easily. I did not understand the words, but the blackness stopped feeling painful and started to feel welcoming. I stopped moving as the blackness covered my body until I felt it reach into my mouth and ears. For one final moment I understood what the shadows were telling me, until I became one with the beast. In mind, body and soul.

We are Mthulhu.
We are almighty.

Me:

I got two cows, I milk 'em, get a wife and kids, then other farm animals and then I live happily ever after.

i seem to have started some thing.

Jimmy Jazz wrote:ME: you have the three spiders, one makes a web, one is taken away for testing,
and the last eats the spider that made the web.

after that you learn that the spider that got taken away is now a huge monster and it eats you. once it eats you it starts a family and conquers the world.

I don't get it. Do the spiders own two cows or something?

it doesn't matter any more, since the all knowing spider Queen came to rule this pitiful world!

Me: I have two cows, they're both paranoid that they'll be sent to the slaughter house or that I'm milking the neighbors cows behind their backs. they kill me and run away with the neighbor.

I have two cows. I force them to make more cow jokes.

I have two cows. One plays bass, the other one drums. We rock.