Create Your Own Engrish

[Renegade_Turner]

I actually lol'd at every single one of those...I've no idea how it got all of those from that. XD

Nice use of a Mitch Hedberg line by the way.

My favourite is definitely "So I need to water my plants dead. Please do not pretend to be a fake."

***

Okay I actually have a brilliant one:

He called me a rapist and a recluse, I'm not a recluse.
>
He raped me, known as a recluse, I'm not a recluse.
>
He is known as a hermit raped me, I'm not a recluse.
>
He raped me as a hermit, I'm not a recluse known.
>
He was a recluse, I was raped I'm not a recluse known.

***

I also tried:
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

One of the translations I got was
"Small feet were the ultimate Christmas break."

***

You were on to something with using the Mitch Hedberg quotes. I tried the following:
"I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring."

The equilibrium result?
"If the pen 170000000000 is located in the heart of the pen, I will lose you can buy."

Also one of the translations along the way was:
"I got sick and my heart will never lose your pen is a pen always buy 700 billion dollars."

Seriously. Wtf?

[Sandurz]

The Hedburg jokes just keep on coming!

In: I had an ant farm once, those fuckers didn't grow shit!
Out: I once was a colony of ants. Those fuckers did not grow shit!

[Renegade_Turner]

In: Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."
Out: "Do I need to shave your moves to the earth, it is always our" Yes, I have a beard.

(I was going to get a smiley picture of John and superimpose some dialogue for him saying "Yes, I have a beard." but I suck at photoshopping, so I didn't.)

***

Also...

In: I play sports...no I don't, what the fuck?
Out: You can participate in their sport ... and I Have Sex?

And one of the ones along the way was: "You can participate in sports ... I own you to have sex?"

Many lol's.

***

In: So I wish I could play little league now because I would kick some fucking ass.
Out: Because I said so I kick some ass Titty now, like a Little League game.

***

Subject: "I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit."

I do not have a microwave, I do not have a watch shit sometimes food.
>
I see food and I do not have a shit, do not have a microwave oven.
>
I see food, I shit, microwave, oven does not have.
>
I have my microwave, refer to the food shit, no oven.
>
I have to shit in the microwave my food please refer to the oven.
>
Please refer to the oven I have a shit in a microwave oven to cook please.
>
Please. Please my microwave oven. Please take a crap in the oven to cook.
>
Please. My microwave, oven please. Please. Take a crap in the oven for cooking.
>
Please. My microwave, oven please. Please. Please put food waste in the oven.
>
Please. My microwave, oven please. Please. Please. Food waste in the oven.

Wtf like? That's seriously messed up. This thing just asked my microwave to take a shit in the oven. In fact, it was begging. Seriously wtf.

[Sandurz]

This is one of the only posts that literally made me rofl.

[Glabbit]

This is nuts.
Ahahahaha.

[Renegade_Turner]

In: I'll give you a blowjob the day hell freezes over.
Out: I need to have sex the day hell freezes.

In: You are one ugly mother fucker.
Out: Travel along the soy sauce is ugly.

Indeed it is...

[Blorx]

in: Suffocate for Fuck Sake - Blazing Fires And Helicopters On The Frontpage Of The Newspaper. There´s A War Going On And I´m Marching In Heavy Boots
out: suffocate because for having sexual intercourse - The all over fire and the helicopter which of the newspaper burn there's a War and I´m which march with the heavy boots where it continues

in: They Try To Cheer Me Up By Saying I Did Once Live A Functioning Life
out: They lived life of one time action, my vigor me the fact that you attach is tried you say with

in: A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More Touch Me
out: A little deducting 16 these candles, it touches many me a little

in: Preschool Tea Party Massacre - Almost As Cool As Stealing Prosthetic Legs
out: Holocaust of tea meeting before the cool attending school where the population foot is stolen - the majority

[Renegade_Turner]

In: And when he gets to Heaven, To Saint Peter he will tell: "One more Marine reporting, Sir, I've served my time in Hell."
Out: Heaven with him, St. Peter's words: "During my time at sea, I'm going to provide a teacher to hell," he said.

In: Met by cold body of lead a presence unanimated the apple of a corps is beau perfect because it wouldn't say no.
Out: My boyfriend and I are very welcome to support the troops who led the apples cool your body busy.

Umm...

[nerodx]

This is the first thing I thought of. Lol.

Input - We're going to be doing one thing, and one thing only, killing nazis.

First Output - We are one thing, and one thing only, I'll kill the Nazis.

Sixth - We are only one one one one thing I have to kill the Nazis.

Seventh - We I have only one to kill one of the Nazis is one thing.

Eighth - We are one of my one, there must be one of the Nazis to kill.



I am quite happy.

[invertin]

Hurrah for randomly quoting myself

In: HIS REVOLVER IS A FREAKING TANK
out: That revolver is the tank which becomes terribly nervousness

In: You want some of BOOM!? JUST TRY AND GET CLOSE ENOUGH!
out: You think that we want several of boom! ? Exactly, try sufficiently soon, become!

In: NANOBOTS WILL DESTROY US ALL
Out: NANOBOTS destroys the United States entirely
(It couldn't translate nanobots. Fair enough.)

In: We have already won, Duckling. Resistance is futile!
(I edited the quote so that it would actually translate. Then I added this entire section in brackets to see what I'd get.)
Out: We won already child [gamo]. Resistance is not useful!
(I in order really to translate, compiled quotation. Then as for me what kind of I' This entire section of the bracket was added in order to see; You obtain d.)

[Renegade_Turner]

In: It is doubtful that the matrix will translate into pants.
Out: If the shorts can be converted to the uncertainty of the table.

[invertin]

Experimental countdown to translation failure. This is a test to see how badly the translator will fail.

10(or 9, I lost count) translations later-

Next counting to translation defeat experimental nature. How perhaps possibly is seems examines translator's this collision likely.

[Dudeman]

input: I was writing an essay when a man with his penis hanging out jumped into the room and slapped my face with it

A man entered the room to increase the hanging of his penis, I was writing an essay that I imposed on the face

I face the man, hang open a tax write an essay of your penis increase in the room

Man, my face, entered the room to increase his penis hung up when he wrote an essay on taxation

The room tax increase in my essay is to open to hang on to describe the human face of your penis

Equilibrium: In the essay, I will open the room to explain the growth of your penis to hang a human face tax

[invertin]

Oh my god my ribs hurt I can't stop laughing

[Zhukov]

It seems that the easiest way to create humour with that thing is to ensure that your original sentence includes an expletive like "fuck" and/or some reference to genitals.

Sadly, the above sentence did not yield amusing results.