Epic Sarcasm Adventure - Let's Play Baldur's Gate II

[invertin]

Name: Suilel (say that five times fast)
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Alignment: Lawful Good
Class: Paladin
Favored Weapons: Two-handed sword
Weapon Style: Two-handed weapons
Personality Quirks: She's kind of a dick, upholding the law without really thinking about why it is in place and looking down on everyone else. But at the same time, she's trying to be a good person.

[Assaultman67]

No jamal?

[Armored Wolf]

Here's a rewrite of mine:

Class, Race, Preferred Weapon, Whatever: Bah, just copy and paste or make it all up.
Personality Quirks: Same as the one I wrote last time... doesn't really mater, if Grayswandir was making one without the sarcasm I wouldn't even be here

[Grayswandir]

The one you suggested before wouldn't work in Baldur's Gate II and the party probably wouldn't make it out of the first city alive before being smashed by all the guards. On a side note, I haven't posted any updates yet because I've been trying to get the right stats for the characters. You have to roll random stats and then move numbers around to get something close to what you want. I could just cheat and get max stats all the way around, but where's the fun in that?

[Armored Wolf]

The one you suggested before wouldn't work in Baldur's Gate II and the party probably wouldn't make it out of the first city alive before being smashed by all the guards. On a side note, I haven't posted any updates yet because I've been trying to get the right stats for the characters. You have to roll random stats and then move numbers around to get something close to what you want. I could just cheat and get max stats all the way around, but where's the fun in that?

Oh. Meh. I know nothing about Baldur's Gate II other than it is BioWare, and I'm too lazy to look even that much up. B

[Grayswandir]

...and I'm too lazy to look even that much up. B

Then stop talking.

On another note, here's our party of potential misfits, I may knock it down to three people instead of four.

Bryant. Our self-serving, arrogant, slightly charismatic leader-captain.


Shen Weng. Yes, he has a penis, I mean, the token old, wise, monk. He can also crush your head.


Rinaldo. He's dark, brooding, and he likes blowing shit up.


Atani. She likes smashing things.

...There's a lot of Neutral people.

An actual in-game update coming up next. Probably by tomorrow.

[invertin]

Our heroic leader.

...Who is neutral evil.

Crap.

[Blorx]

Eh...yeah, so...I'm guessing they're less heroic and more destructive...

[Freshbite]

"Less heroism" and "More destruction" sounds just great =]

[Blorx]

"Less heroism" and "More destruction" sounds just great =]

Sound be the new motto for GTA...or APB!

[Grayswandir]

I cut out the Monk character, sorry guys.
Basically, you're the hero of Baldur's Gate, you get kidnapped out from under everyone's noses and you end up here.
You start off each new game in Irenicus's Dungeon. It is a rather boring place, so I'm only going to be screen capping the highlights and if I level up or some such.
I also realize it may be hard to read some of the conversations due to the forums shirnking the image size (I'm running the game in 1024x768), so if you really want to see what they're saying, right-click on the image and then select "View Image" or "Show Image" and it'll load in a new page.

Irenicus babbles about how you have some untapped power and proceeds to blast you with spells before being distracted by some commotion outside.

This poor sap makes an attempt to sneak in here and gets blasted by traps...

...and then he gets Disintegrated. Awesome spell btw.

This is Imoen. She's you're half-sister or something (They explain all this in the first game) and she's gone kinda nuts after being stuck in here.

See? She's nuts.

This is Minsc. He's awesome...and also crazy. Starting to see a pattern here? Get used to him, because he's going to be in our party for a long, long time.
I'm going to do some editing so long conversations are all in one image.

I concur.

Minsc is a character from the first Baldur's Gate game. He was just as insane, and he has a pet miniature giant space hamster. Yes, miniature giant space hamster. Boo also takes up one inventory slot and you can't remove him.

This is Jaheira. I've actually cut out a crapload of her conversation, she talks alot, she's a potential love interest later and she's married to some coward. She's also from the first game. She considers herself your guardian. Most likely I'm going to drop her from the party as soon as I find someone else, I mean come on, this is a mostly Evil party we're running here.

I proceed to loot everything I can, even what's behind that trapped painting on the wall.

Rinaldo levels up immediately after I detect the Trap. In this game, you get experience for almost every action you take. Sorcerer's also level up really fast.

This spells is extremely useful.

See this key? Yeah, we need this key to let out Jahiera. I'd leave her there, but you get 3000 experience for letting her out. 3000xp is 3000xp.

Boring Golem is boring. He doesn't say much...and you can't do any damage to him.

After letting out Jahiera and equipping my party with all the really, really crappy loot...
Also, I forgot to screen capture that battle where I gained 420 experience...I fought a winged...creature thing...and smashed it.

...I go and sleep on the floor. Normally, you'd think, evil dungeon, why risk sleeping out in the middle of nowhere with evil dudes running around? Well, being that this is the first dungeon (which means the game isn't really trying to kill me yet), my Sorcerer doesn't have any spells memorized at this time, I might as well remedy that and allow him to be useful.

...And so begins our Adventure of Sarcasm, Horrible wit, Insane People, and Blowing Shit up with Fireballs.
Next time:
Fireballs.

[Grayswandir]

...and so we continue...
You can now click on the images and it'll open up the full-sized one.

- Bwahahahah...FIRE!!!!
- Stop that.
- Who the hell are you three?
- We got ported in. I think the God's got bored of those other three.
- BWAHAHA!!! Show me the enem---YOU KILLED THEM ALL ALREADY!!!
- Yes, fire will do that.
- New rule. Dirty man and pasty face shouldn't be able to burn things.


- Before you even try, I don't think you can crush this one.
- But fire will do the tri--
- Hey look, over there, a group of Goblins!
- Wheehehehe...


- You missed one, so its mine!
- But...
- MINE!!!
- I got pockets full of jewels, so I'm happy.


- Tubeman whines too much, if he was not encased in this see through pipe, I'd crush his brains.
- He has a name you know.
- Other things don't deserve names unless we give them ones!
- I think they're working together now.


- They really do love their fireballs.
- I'm going to kill both of them the next day as soon as they get up!
- ...Don't you mean "in their sleep"?
- I'll be like an alarm clock waiting outside their tent.


- People around these parts are grumpy.
- ...


- MORE FIRE!!!


- The burning dwarf flesh has a horrible smell.
- It tastes good too.
- I'm getting a bad feeling about this party.


- Silly demon went "pop"!
- Oh god, its in my hair!
- How is it that the demon exploded, but all its gear is fine?
- He's just that good.
- I'm just that go--Hey!


- How can a Golem with no eyes find a way to open a door all the way on the other side of this dungeon?
- Muscle memory?


- Here's more of those things, just sitting around in a closet...Just what are you doing?
- Setting Skull Traps. You never know when they might activate and kill us all!
- I can imagine some poor janitor opening this door only to be blown into pieces by a bunch of exploding skulls.
- That's a horrible image! That poor janitor!


You guys like this new format? Or shall I go back to the old one?

[Armored Wolf]

Bwahahahahah new format for the epic win.

[Assaultman67]

The new version is much more interesting ...

[invertin]

I like the new one as well.

Also, who's the girl in the party? I didn't notice her before.

EDIT: And the redheaded guy now that I think about it.