A More Professional OGRP

[AmorphousGamer]

Okay, guys, I enjoy RP. I really do. But the RP I was a part of a while back faded away into oblivion. All RP's since have just seemed very unprofessional and I didn't really want to be a part of them. So, I'm starting one myself. I will lay down some rules first.
*All characters must be presented by way of the premade character sheet template, which you will find further down in this post.
*Submit your character sheet first, and I will approve/disapprove it. Once approved, you may write in your character at any logical location in the story. I also reserve the right to disapprove you based on terrible writing skill. Please write like you have a brain.
*All OOC comments or posts should be in green font. This includes character sheets.
*If you are new to Forum Role Play, or Role Play in general, please read through this. It will help. http://forumroleplay.com/roleplay-guides/
*All characters must be one of the five confirmed "sentient" species. Since we don't yet know what species will be "sentient" we're not going to make assumptions.
*If you're bad with names like me, this is a useful tool. http://www.namestation.com/roleplay-names
Character sheet:

Code: Select all

Name:
Race:
Physical description (body type, notable features, fur color, etc):
Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc):
Personality:
Backstory:

The world is fairly open to be shaped, but there are a few things that will be set.
This will all take place on a single continent. The edges of the continent have never been found. Not because there are none, but because no one has bothered to travel that far yet. (Meaning, no ocean. Meaning, no whalemen. Sorry.) To the south, there is a swamp. Deep inside the swamp is the city of Westlea. It's a hellhole. No one wants to live there. It's filled with beggars and corruption. Disease and crime fill the city.
North of the swamp is a plain. In the middle of the plain is the city of Prybush. It is a rich city. Many merchants live there, and the citizens are happy. Because of the city's central location and the arena inside, it is a busy place.
On the western and northern sides of the plain is a huge forest. To the west, deep in the woods, is the city of Waynesse. Mostly rabbits live there. (quite open for molding by RPers as the story progresses)
To the north, at the very edge of the woods, is the city of Morlyn. It is where most dogs are from. (again, very open)
In the east, there are high mountains. The city of Valeden lay there. This is the homeland of the cats. They usually keep to their own matters, though it isn't too rare to see one or two in Prybush.
It is not known where wolves lie. No one has seen a wolf in over a century. (VERY open to progression throughout the story)

I think that's everything. Let's get this rolling.[/color]

[AmorphousGamer]

Name: Dain

Race: Dog

Physical description (body type, notable features, fur color, etc): He is large and muscled. His fur is jet black. He has a few scars on his face, one diagonally all the way across his torso, and one of his ears is ripped.

Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc): When out on his own, he brings with him only a broadsword. He wears light leather armor.

Personality: Dain is a friendly person, hardened though he is by all the fighting he does. He is sympathetic of those in pain and will always go out of his way to help someone in need. Despite being the undefeated champion of the Prybush arena, he is one of the kindest in the city.

Backstory: He lives in Prybush, and fights in the arena for a living. He has become dull to killing. He does it if it needs to be done. He doesn't see himself leaving any time soon. He grew up in Morlyn, and came to the arena one day to compete in an unarmed fight. He didn't expect to get anywhere. He did well, however. He came out on top in each of the 3 matches he played. He won enough money that day to fund his stay there a while longer. In that time he kept fighting, and winning every match. Eventually he started competing in the monthly deathmatches as well. These earned a lot more money than the regular unarmed fights. He was the undefeated champion, and it didn't look like that would end any time soon.

[daimmx]

Name: Ferlslow
Race: Rat

Physical Description: Ferlslow is rather small, almost pygmy, however he is a very proficient Calligrapher and fighter. He has a condition in which is called heterochromia, but other shun him for his size and odd colors for eyes. (blue and brown). his fur is brown but his tail was amputated because in his home village he was seen as an outcast, a monster, ect.

Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc): he carries a backpack full of, just rubbish. he carries a crude version of a ney. as weapons he uses a club and a sword. (a dagger(s) as a backup).he doesn't wear Armour because he cant find any that fits and he doesn't know how to make any.

Personality: Ferlslow is timid and shy, but when he needs to speak about an important matter, he will speak. hes intelligent, and has never hit it off with the ladies. at a young age he has discovered his homosexuality (links to his outcast), however he never talks about it and doesn't make it obvious. Ferlslow is very sensitive, however killing doesn't bother him too much. He spend a lot of time on his own but is usually starved for company, and tries to reach out to others but they just perceive him as an abomination.

Backstory: Ferlslow spends him waking years in the vibrant community of Prybush, the streets are muddy and cold and the primitive version of a Colosseum towers over many of the buildings. He spends his time in a small hut just around the corner to the Colosseum. however, he would love to compete in the Colosseum due to his lack of income, but he is afraid of how they compatents will perceive him.

[AmorphousGamer]

*Character Sheet*

Looking good. Approved. Feel free to jump in at any point.
Also, I notice you mentioned your character is homosexual, which kinda got me thinking. I never really thought of these characters as having sexuality. I suppose Dain would probably be heterosexual. Probably . . . ? That is an interesting thing to think on. I guess I'll cross that bridge if such things ever become important.

Dain opened his eyes. He was on his side, facing the wall a few inches in front of his face. He lay there for a few more moments, not wanting to get up. Today he was scheduled to participate in an unarmed fight. He had actually been challenged, by a promising rabbit. The rabbit had won many fights of varying difficulty and eventually earned the right to challenge the champion.
Dain pushed the blanket off of him, and stood up. It was roughly 9 AM. The fight would happen near noon. He decided to find a food vendor and get some breakfast.
Dain put on his shoes and a shirt, fastened his sword to his hip, and exited the building.

[daimmx]

sexuality probably wont be brought up, but i thought i would be an interesting addition.

Ferlslow has been up all night but still isn't tired. he takes a look around his small hut, there is a lot of garbage on floor, his moths in his lamp are dead and decomposing, his bed isnt really a bed it more of a rug. anyways, he gets up from his rug and, so he finally worked up to courage to go out and get some food with the last couple of coins he has, he washes up, puts new clothes on, conceals a dagger in his shirt just in case, and goes to the nearest food vendor. in hopes he will sell him food.

[TheLoneBunghole]

Name: Zelukes

Race: Rat

Physical description (body type, notable features, fur color, etc): Zelukes is a taller rat: sinewy limbs and a lean body, but still sleek and agile like the majority of his kin. Some scars are visibly hewn into his back and torso, showing that the big fellow (still perhaps negligible from a dog's perspective) had seen his share of fights. Despite this, his golden eyes hold warm, approachable light. His fur is a common hue of black, sullied some by dust and dirt. His tail is nothing special, the same prehensile rope of pink flesh, if not slightly longer than most. Zelukes' favorable features make him quite an eligible bachelor.

Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc): Zelkues shades his head under a large straw hat, (the old thing frayed and falling apart in some places) sometimes obscuring his head from view. His torso is bare at all times, the rat preferring the breeze against his skin and fur. A dark beige pair of short trousers were belted around his waist. Various pouches were looped into said belt, and small metal plates were hooked onto his flanks, protecting his outer thighs a half a foot down, and a dirk was tucked into the belt. Three other straps were looped around his torso, one holding a small amount of throwing knives, the second: strange black pellets, each about the size of a strawberry; the third was tied to the scabbard of a long sabre, hanging across his back. One of his paws was constantly gripping the head of a long pipe, from which he puffed rings of smoke throughout the day. In his other paw he gripped a long wooden stick, which he held hefted over his shoulder. Tied to the long rod was a simple canvas sack filled with his supplies.

Personality: A lover of fine leaf, wine, and damsels. Zelukes is calm and approachable, but careful and calculating in his actions when the occasion arises. He's not exactly a warrior of virtue or a heinous villain, but even he loves a good whirl; be it a warm lover or a good fight. Past all that, he can be a loyal and faithful friend, (should you bother to try) or a fierce adversary; not below dealing low blows. He's as capable of having an empathetic heart as he is a cruel bastard. In a word: unpredictable.

Backstory: He was born into a band of wanderers and picked at a young age to become a fighter to defend them due to his more robust figure. During his training (as they wandered from place to place, he was deposited to various dojos they passed) it was found, however, that Zelukes was fiercely independent and firebrand. He wanted to live his own life his own way, and not at the whim of his cohort. Due to this, they attempted time and time again to beat it out of him, until finally he managed to slip away, into the wide green yonder. In his travels (as a wanderer, ironically), he sampled the lay of the land: foods, pleasures, and picked up proficiencys in various weapons he happened to particularly fancy at the moment. He met figures, great and small and formed his character. To this day, he labors to find his place, or a purpose, in this world.

Eeh. Sorry if I went all out. Feel free to point out stuff that needs to get changed.

[AmorphousGamer]

*character sheet*

Looks nice. I like it. Feel free to join in at any time. Once you write your character in I'm going to continue my story a bit. Just to make sure we're all on sorta the same page.

[TheLoneBunghole]

Zelukes had broken camp early that morning, with the intention of getting a good view of Prybush the first day. The sun was still low in the east when he started; the rat ate a light breakfast and quickly set off. By the time he'd arrived at the pike road into Prybush the sun was teetering above, warming the ground. About 9 in the morning by his approximation.

He paid the toll into the city and entered through the gate with whatever traffic there was at that time of the day. Zelukes never failed to take a good long look around when he arrived in somewhere new, Prybush was no exception: her architecture was impressive and her wealth and luxury was very apparent to the wanderer.

He ducked into the first inn he saw, renting out a room and stowing away his supplies before returning onto the streets, now moving about with no real intent, 'Perhaps I'll visit the arena I've heard so much about.' He considered to himself.

To anyone else, it would appear that the rat was simply lost. . . And not really paying attention to where he was walking.

Game on, gents.

[AmorphousGamer]

Dain's walk to the food vendor was rather uneventful. He got a pie and ate it in the shade of a nearby building. He watched as many people quickly grabbed a meal from the food vendor, on their way to their various destinations. A tall black rabbit seemed to be in a hurry. He had his meal and was out of sight in a matter of seconds. A very distracted looking brown dog was next. He hardly seemed to realize he was buying food. Next up was ragged-looking, small brown rat, missing his tail.

[lesley64]

Nome: Aela

Race: Cat

Physical description (body type, notable features, fur color, etc): Aela has a white fur, with light brown spots in the paws and around the eyes. Her hazel eys and average ears are hidden inside of a pale hood. Small and fast for cat, Aela knows her way around in a fight, having trained with her father for some years.

Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc): She wears a brown leather light armor with a dark leather belt, which holds her two daggers, a small pouch of coins in the right and throwable knives soaked in poison on the left. Everything is covered by a open pale robe that warms her on the cold nights.


Personality: She always try to know who is following her and when it's time to leave them behind, but never stab the others on their back. Highly independent, think that can do every thing alone,what places her in some troubles. She hates when someone doubt of her abilities, entering in fights frequently just to prove herself. Avoid killing, but, if needed, don't have a problem with it. Has a almost morbid curiosity, causing a slight propension to understanding things in a erroneous way.


Backstory: Aela has lived all his life in Valeden. When her father, the captain of the guard, found out about a conspiracy involving Aeinn, his renegade son, the whole family was killed except for Aela, who ran away. With equipments and gold left for her father, she travels to the city of Pybrush, searching for a way to get revenge, while learning how to survive without all the confort she had before.

I'ts my first time doing that, so tell me if it's something wrong or that I need to change. Hope you like it.

[TheLoneBunghole]

Physical description (body type, notable features, fur color, etc): Aela have a white fur, with light brown spots in the paws and around the eyes. Her hazel eys and average ears are hidden inside of a pale hood. Small, fast and with not very muscular arms, Aela knows his way around in a fight, having trained with his father for some years.

Equipment (armor, weapons, tools, etc): Uses a brown leather light armor with a dark leather belt, which holds her two daggers, a small pouch of gold in the right and throwable knives soaked in poison on the left. Everything is covered by a open pale robe that warms her on the cold nights.


Personality: She always try to know who is following her and when it's time to leave them behind, but never stab the others on their back. High independent, think that can do every thing alone,what places her in some troubles. She hates when someone doubt of his abilities, entering in fights frequently just to prove herself. Avoid killing, but, if needed, don't have a problem with it.


Backstory: Aela has lived all his life in Valeden. When his father, the captain of the guard, found out about a conspiracy involving his renegade son, the whole family was killed except for Aela, who should pass the leadership of the city to her brother. Luckily, their father left some equipment and a note to Aela, explaining about the conspiracy and some other things. Now, she needs to find someone reliable and strong to help her defeat Aeinn, whose plans go beyond the city of Valeden

Hi. While it's not within my power to accept or deny you, I would like to offer you my snobbish critique. Firstly, I was confused as to whether or not your character is male or female. You were constantly switching she's and her's for him's and his'. I assume that it's a she, just based on the name Aela.

I'd advise you to clean up a lot of that awkward wording i. e.: "Aela HAS white fur. . ." Or, "She WEARS brown leather armour, a dark leather belt is around her waist. . ."

I'd like to say more, but I sort of feel like a dick, just because I know English isn't your first language.

[kibaoo]

i appreciate your hardheadedness, but instead of doing a overall "more professional" rpg placed in overgrowth, you basically restart the first try making one from scratch.
let me show you why: The reason for the failure was not the laziness of some people just being uninspired creating the "plot", it was the rules itself. RPG is not about the plot, it is about character progression.
This is the first mistake, this rpg was making.
the 2nd one was that at some point no new people were allowed, which was caused by "sticking to the plot" and "waiting for the involved characters making their turn one after one".

Let me show this a solution:
1. the "overall plot" is secondary
- that means you as player stick to your character.(its like writing a story on your own)
2. everyone is welcome
3. communication is not a necessary point, but it is part of rpg
- in meaning: if you plan to do some jolly coopAction-storymode, then you have to contact your "teammate or mates" of choice with a private message,or in the "green text" as it is here for offtopic conversations
- doing it this way before posting the real story-posting doesn't block the overall flow and prevent confusion or disappointment
4. RPG is not a "well lets just write something and see what way it goes"-chaos scripting, its more like a well planned stage performance. keep this in mind if this is going to be "more professional".

one style suggestion: before making a post everyone should make a headline(like it is in sales letters by companies)
in example:
name: "name of your character"
place: "where your character is at this posting"
previous page: "a link to the post before this on (Hyberlink)" - if some one else creates a post where your character is involved("coopAction" =D) then maybe set a link to this one.

for now... this maybe helping prevent this RPG failing again.

[lesley64]

Hi. While it's not within my power to accept or deny you, I would like to offer you my snobbish critique. Firstly, I was confused as to whether or not your character is male or female. You were constantly switching she's and her's for him's and his'. I assume that it's a she, just based on the name Aela.

I'd advise you to clean up a lot of that awkward wording i. e.: "Aela HAS white fur. . ." Or, "She WEARS brown leather armour, a dark leather belt is around her waist. . ."

I'd like to say more, but I sort of feel like a dick, just because I know English isn't your first language.

Hi. Thanks for the help and don't feel like a dick. I really appreciate the tips. The more of them, better gets my english and my post. I have already made the changes.

[AmorphousGamer]

stuff

By "more professional" I didn't mean "more like other RP's." I meant, mainly, that the characters and overall story would make more sense, and everyone involved would seem more professional in their writing. I had seen too many overall bad character choices. As well as bad ideas for settings and other such things.
Also, you mention that you shouldn't just "write something and see where it goes." And I disagree wholly. I write as a hobby, and I never plan ahead. I just start writing and the story goes places, and it turns out really interesting. Sometimes it surprises even me, which I think is a much more satisfying feeling than writing down some already thought-out plan.
I appreciate your concern and tips, and maybe you're completely right and I'm a moron. But we'll see how that works as this RP progresses.

*character sheet*

I like the character, as well as the backstory you've already got set up. I can see this going good places. You do seem to have some awkward sentence structure, but it's readable, and that's better than I could do in a foreign language. Approved, let's see where this goes.

[TheLoneBunghole]

How exactly are we doing this? Do I just wait 'till daimmx and lesley go? Or what?