Wolfire Games Forums

I really don't see why we have to nitpick at Wolfire, I like the dialogue as it is.

If you really like it so much, why don't you write a fan fic or something?

oh,wait. . . .

Edit: Speaking of my fanfic, I'm booked with an essay right now, but I'm pretty free in the middle of this week. Expect something then.

Here's my shot at it. I tried to keep things canon as much as I could, respecting both Lugaru and what we know so far of Overgrowth. I'm not totally satisfied; the flow could be a little better here and there. Maybe I'll pick at it some more later.

Oh, and I managed to spell "preferably" wrong, and I'm aware of it, so don't go telling me.

...

What? You thought I was going to make sense?

I laughed at 2DArray's small tank part and the last frame.

Yeah. 2DArray's was really funny.

I just scream about cheese alot.

I like invertin's the best.

@man with no name - I never saw it as the bounty hunters trying to sneak up on Turner. Both sides seem very sure that they are going to win the fight, and so neither would feel the need to be sneaky, but rather just be blunt and direct.

Your dialogue feels unnatural to me. The bounty hunters seem comical as they bicker among themselves. It's much more satisfying to defeat serious enemies who seem dangerous because they know they are dangerous. Turner is very wordy. It's both not really in Turner's style and is a bit of a head ache to read.

Anyway, that's my two-cents. I think it was a cool idea, and if anything could help the Wolfire team in their development. So don't worry about those who think you're 'nitpicking'.

Aw man, reading through some of these I cracked up pretty hard Nice job all you guys.
It's difficult for me to decide which I liked best.

Umm... my atempt at putting together the idea?
I will asume there bounty hunters and not something else.

Panel1:(rocks fall from cliff side)

Panel2: Turner: What do you want?
Left Rabbit: You mean we came all the way here for this flea bag?
Right Rabbit: You said it (insert random rabbit name)
Leader Rabbit: Shut up fools; Come on down - were going on a little trip.

Panel3:Turner: (What turner says in the origonal pannel)

Panel4:Leader:Damnit... your coming down, and so help me if I am comming up there and dragging you back kicking and screaming!... Damit Turner!
Left Rabbit: Come on... lets do this already.
Right Rabbit: To battle!

...
I think Davids was the best

I think they have the wrong guy:

Kaabeus wrote: I think they have the wrong guy:
*pic*

Brilliant, I say!
Very clever indeed. xD

hahahaha

=)

Ragdollmaster wrote:Zaphon: That would be a great alternate version of the game. I can see it now... Lugaru: GHETTOGROWTH. Mm-mm, Turner is on several quests to find the mythical bottomless bucket of chicken, the largest watermelon in the world, and of course, Mount Marijuana, a mountain as tall as Mount Everest, only made out of pure marijuana. (Note: When he reaches Mount Marijuana, a Cri- I mean, Raider, sets fire to it, causing everyone in the world to get high. When Turner wakes up from his longest high ever three weeks later, he will redirect his efforts to find the Sohigh Desert, with its rolling dunes of cocaine.)

Holy crap, that's the funniest thing I've read all night. Needs to go on a T-Shirt after OG becomes famous worldwide.
I think that this scene needs less talk. Something like this:
*crack crumble rocks*
Turner: *Sigh*
Left raider: [Right raider], ya dumb ass! He heard us!
Right raider: Up yours!
Lead raider: Get down here, meatsack!
{Next Frame}
Turner: (muttering) Aw, crap. Not again.
{Next Frame}
Lead Raider: Come on! Let's go! The arena's got lots of room for ya!
Background Raider: Maybe we should just, you know, go?
Foreground Raider: C'mon, he don't look so tough.

And then the raiders chase you, and you run like a little baby because three armed and armored rabbits > one unarmed Turner. They then proceed to capture you in a most brutis fashion, tie you up, put a bag over your head, and knock you out. You wake up in a dungeon... under the arena.

Dialogue is one of those tricky things that can only be learned with practice.

I would suggest visiting Drew's Script-o-Rama (http://www.script-o-rama.com/)

Screenplays for both television and film are excellent sources of inspiration and learning for writing dialogue.

As it stands now, the dialogue in the panels is flat.

Turner's intial quip of "Can I help you?" isn't gripping enough and deadens the scene. The intent of the scene is to establish Turner as a badass and the protagonist; he sounds like he's helping a customer at the checkout.

The three goons' dialogue isn't as flat as Turner's, however. Goon #1 on the left does a good job of explaining a plot point: someone is out to get Turner specifically. The banter between Goon #2 and #3 adds uneeded lightheartedness to a situation that is presumably deadly.

These are personal observations and are in no way expert advice; do what you feel fits with the story.

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