I'm starting a thread where we can gather samples of Lugaru fanfic for comparison and (constructive) criticism.
No continuing multi-chapter stories, please. Save those for your own threads; just post a chapter or so, or maybe a short story.
And if you decide to criticize, you should be prepared to post something of your own.
Here's my short story.
Three Wishes Each
Turner and the Alpha Wolf were fighting, as usual. Their wide ranging battle had brought them to the shore of the island, where the Alpha Wolf was trying to pen Turner in against the water, while Turner tried to maneuver the Alpha Wolf so the sun setting in the ocean would blind him and Turner could escape.
Suddenly, the Alpha Wolf stood up out of his fighting stance and stared out at the ocean, his jaws gaping in amazement. Turner laughed: “You can’t fool me with that old trick!” The Alpha Wolf paid no attention, loping past Turner and heading for the water.
Turner looked back and saw a slowly moving, shiny gold mound approaching the shore. He ran up beside the wolf, all animosity forgotten. “What is it,” he breathed.
“The Golden Tortoise,” whispered the Alpha Wolf, greed glittering brightly in his dark eyes. “He returns to Lugaru only rarely; my great-grand-father said it was only once every six times six times six years. And he has the power to grant your heart’s desire: three wishes to the first two to see him, two wishes to the second three, one each to the last six, and then he’s gone. And I saw him first!”
By now the Golden Tortoise had arrived in the shallow surf, and was quietly watching them with wise, ancient, golden eyes. “Greetings, Wolf and Rabbit, eternal enemies and opposing poles of Lugaru. I perceive you know of me and the gifts I bring. Wolf, you are the first: what is your wish? Will you chose the path of wisdom and finish your endless, ill-fated conflict with the Rabbits, or succumb to the desires of the flesh?”
“Hah! You know me well! I care nothing for peace, or the needs of others: I wish all the wolves on the island were young, attractive females.”
“Granted. Now Rabbit, the next wish is yours: will you choose a boon for your people, or think only of your own safety?”
“You also know me and my thoughts, I see. I choose speed, speed enough that no Wolf will ever tackle me again.”
“Granted. Wolf, your second wish?”
“What a fool you are, rabbit! Do you think I’ll ever waste time chasing you again, with an island full of voluptuous wolves to pursue? Idiot! And I’ll make sure you never enjoy a female again: I wish all the rabbits on the island were female wolves as well!”
“Granted,” said the Golden Tortoise. “Rabbit? Your next wish?” His eyes seemed to twinkle with amusement as he looked at Turner.
“I wish that no wolf would ever smell me or find my trail with his nose again.”
“Granted,” said the tortoise, as the Alpha Wolf burst into a long howl of laughter.
“Who needs to smell you? Weren’t you listening to me? I can smell all I want to smell right now: females in heat, waiting for me to service them. And now for the final insult, you cowardly weakling: I wish that I could screw like a rabbit in heat!”
“Granted,” murmured the Golden Tortoise in a sad voice, though Turner thought he seemed close to laughter himself. “Rabbit? What do you desire with your final wish?’
Did he know of Turner’s plan? Well, what matter? It was nearly complete now, but Turner wanted to savor his victory a while longer.
“Before I wish, I’d like to test my other gifts, if you don’t mind. Please don’t be insulted, but it means everything to me now.”
“Satisfy yourself, by all means,” said the tortoise, watching with interest as Turner stepped behind the wolf. “But remember: no violence is allowed in my presence.”
“Oh, I could never be so rude. Can you smell me behind you, wolf?”
“Of course not, dupe! The Golden Tortoise always grants his wishes honestly!”
“Then I’ll try out my gift of speed,” laughed Turner, racing along the shore and nearly out of sight in a matter of seconds.
The wolf and tortoise watched him curve back along the top of the dunes, a sandstorm rising as he raced towards them again. He roared into the surf between them, raising a curling wake that drenched the wolf as he passed. But to the amazement of the wolf (though not the Golden Tortoise) instead of stopping for his last wish, he sped on into the sunset.
Then, just before he disappeared into the dusk, they heard him shout his last wish, high, clear and distinct: “I wish the Alpha Wolf was gay!”
Tales of Lugaru
Ha ha haha! Oh i'm pretty sure getting a butt ache will be the least of his problems. He's an extremely gay and sexually active wolf but he's stuck on an island full of women and no men.Colicedus wrote:Gutted like a Fish!
Looks like the alpha wolf might have a bit of a but ake from here onwards!
He'll have to service himself like 24/7.
poor bastard.
Another short story.
One Wish Apiece
Ray and Skipper trudged across the desert hills, heading towards the sweet, moist smell of the sea coming from the south. Although previously Ray was the guard and Skipper his prisoner, their relationship had become a sort of cautious friendship after they realized they had been abandoned in the old raider base.
Turner had come looking for Skipper at the old raider base, fully intending to kill him, but after hearing Skipper’s tale, he had sped off to find the real traitor: Jack. Both Ray and Skipper expected to hear within days either that Turner was now King, or that he had died at the hands of Jack’s thugs or the wolves.
Whichever occurred, Ray expected to be relieved or arrested shortly, and Skipper expected to be freed or executed. Neither of them was prepared for nothing to happen. But the days went on, with no word, no visitors, and no supplies. Ray wasn’t a harsh jailer, and he made sure Skipper was fed, but Ray got the best of the food, and more of it.
Skipper was always hungry, but Ray suffered more from the isolation. He hadn’t seen a female rabbit in months, and by now he was, in his own words, “horny as a hoot owl.” When all the food was gone (except for a few turnips well past their expiration date) the two had set out to find out what had happened to Jack’s grand plan, and where the rest of the rabbits had gone. And perhaps more importantly: food (for Skipper) and females (for Ray).
They had headed first for the new raider base, but even before they arrived they knew there wasn’t much hope of help there: the stench of bodies putrefying in the sun reached them on the dry wind long before the walls appeared. The sight of the corpses of Aspen and six other rabbits, gnawed by vermin and rotting away, was almost enough to make them stop wishing for food. It hardly mattered; the supplies were scanty, and what remained was spoiled.
Now, Skipper was on the verge of collapse. His rations had been thin for quite a while, followed by nothing but desiccated turnips and the occasional briny waterhole for the past several days. Ray was in better shape, having eaten the cream of the remaining rations at the camp, and swilling the last of the carrot ale after each meal. But now, he was beginning to feel the effects of their straitened circumstances, too.
In fact, both of them were close to delirium, though their delusions differed. Skipper couldn’t stop dreaming and hallucinating about food, mumbling about the feasts he’d have when they were finally safe in a village or fort. Ray was obsessed with sex, constantly speculating on the number and beauty of the lady bunnies awaiting him, and describing in detail the amazing feats of lovemaking he would undertake and accomplish.
Neither one was paying any attention to the other now. Each was lost in his own dream world. They hardly noticed that they were approaching the seashore, though the cool breeze relaxed their dry skin. Suddenly a dust cloud appeared over the dune ahead, and rocketed towards them. They stopped and gaped as it sped towards them, then veered suddenly and disappeared into the distance.
Ray gasped, “Was that Turner?” Skipper nodded dumbly, then mumbled, “I’ve never seen a rabbit move that fast! And what was he laughing about?” With no answers forthcoming, they trudged on, but stopped again suddenly as a raging figure leapt across the same dune Turner had traveled. It was a huge wolf, and the rabbits cowered, fearing the worst.
They could see his foam-flecked jaws working madly as he raced towards them, red fire burning in his eyes. But he veered off also, following the path Turner left. They heard the wolf’s howling voice, shrieking foul oaths and imprecations, fade behind them. "That was the Alpha Wolf!” Ray stood staring. “Who cares,” said Skipper, trudging forward, “as long as he doesn’t eat us? Eat! I wish I had something to eat!”
“Eat? Who wants to eat?” Ray stumbled after Skipper. “ I want a female, and if I had one I’d…” Suddenly Ray stopped, staring ahead at the seashore that had appeared as they crested the dune. “Look! The Golden Tortoise! He’s back!” He nearly fell as he tried to speed ahead.
“What? Who?” Skipper looked even more dazed as he bobbed his head around. “The Golden Tortoise! He grants wishes! I hope we’re not too late! He’ll give me what I want!” Regaining his balance, Ray careened towards the shore; Skipper tried to follow, but stumbled and fell on his face.
He must have fainted; by the time he feebly pushed himself up, Ray was slowly wandering back towards him. Ray sat down in the shade of an overhanging dune and looked glumly at the large brown object in his hand. Skipper moved towards him, nearly falling at each step. As he got nearer he shouted, “Did you get a wish? Is there still time?”
Ray nodded without looking up. Skipper found new strength and trotted eagerly towards the shore. Ray watched as Skipper approached the huge tortoise, waving his arms and screeching. Then suddenly, Skipper turned and ran back, with a cloud of bright green birds pursuing him. The tortoise had vanished.
Ray showed no emotion as Skipper collapsed behind him, cowering from the flock of moist and oily looking green birds that circled overhead. Skipper coughed and cried, “What happened? I wanted food! I asked for a bunch of juicy carrots, not dirty old birds!”
Ray smiled grimly and handed the large brown object to Skipper, saying, “I think those are parrots.” Skipper sniffed the brown mass and said, “What is this? It smells like food! Can I have it? Don’t you want it?”
Ray sighed, “Go ahead. I didn’t really want a huge peanut anyway.”
One Wish Apiece
Ray and Skipper trudged across the desert hills, heading towards the sweet, moist smell of the sea coming from the south. Although previously Ray was the guard and Skipper his prisoner, their relationship had become a sort of cautious friendship after they realized they had been abandoned in the old raider base.
Turner had come looking for Skipper at the old raider base, fully intending to kill him, but after hearing Skipper’s tale, he had sped off to find the real traitor: Jack. Both Ray and Skipper expected to hear within days either that Turner was now King, or that he had died at the hands of Jack’s thugs or the wolves.
Whichever occurred, Ray expected to be relieved or arrested shortly, and Skipper expected to be freed or executed. Neither of them was prepared for nothing to happen. But the days went on, with no word, no visitors, and no supplies. Ray wasn’t a harsh jailer, and he made sure Skipper was fed, but Ray got the best of the food, and more of it.
Skipper was always hungry, but Ray suffered more from the isolation. He hadn’t seen a female rabbit in months, and by now he was, in his own words, “horny as a hoot owl.” When all the food was gone (except for a few turnips well past their expiration date) the two had set out to find out what had happened to Jack’s grand plan, and where the rest of the rabbits had gone. And perhaps more importantly: food (for Skipper) and females (for Ray).
They had headed first for the new raider base, but even before they arrived they knew there wasn’t much hope of help there: the stench of bodies putrefying in the sun reached them on the dry wind long before the walls appeared. The sight of the corpses of Aspen and six other rabbits, gnawed by vermin and rotting away, was almost enough to make them stop wishing for food. It hardly mattered; the supplies were scanty, and what remained was spoiled.
Now, Skipper was on the verge of collapse. His rations had been thin for quite a while, followed by nothing but desiccated turnips and the occasional briny waterhole for the past several days. Ray was in better shape, having eaten the cream of the remaining rations at the camp, and swilling the last of the carrot ale after each meal. But now, he was beginning to feel the effects of their straitened circumstances, too.
In fact, both of them were close to delirium, though their delusions differed. Skipper couldn’t stop dreaming and hallucinating about food, mumbling about the feasts he’d have when they were finally safe in a village or fort. Ray was obsessed with sex, constantly speculating on the number and beauty of the lady bunnies awaiting him, and describing in detail the amazing feats of lovemaking he would undertake and accomplish.
Neither one was paying any attention to the other now. Each was lost in his own dream world. They hardly noticed that they were approaching the seashore, though the cool breeze relaxed their dry skin. Suddenly a dust cloud appeared over the dune ahead, and rocketed towards them. They stopped and gaped as it sped towards them, then veered suddenly and disappeared into the distance.
Ray gasped, “Was that Turner?” Skipper nodded dumbly, then mumbled, “I’ve never seen a rabbit move that fast! And what was he laughing about?” With no answers forthcoming, they trudged on, but stopped again suddenly as a raging figure leapt across the same dune Turner had traveled. It was a huge wolf, and the rabbits cowered, fearing the worst.
They could see his foam-flecked jaws working madly as he raced towards them, red fire burning in his eyes. But he veered off also, following the path Turner left. They heard the wolf’s howling voice, shrieking foul oaths and imprecations, fade behind them. "That was the Alpha Wolf!” Ray stood staring. “Who cares,” said Skipper, trudging forward, “as long as he doesn’t eat us? Eat! I wish I had something to eat!”
“Eat? Who wants to eat?” Ray stumbled after Skipper. “ I want a female, and if I had one I’d…” Suddenly Ray stopped, staring ahead at the seashore that had appeared as they crested the dune. “Look! The Golden Tortoise! He’s back!” He nearly fell as he tried to speed ahead.
“What? Who?” Skipper looked even more dazed as he bobbed his head around. “The Golden Tortoise! He grants wishes! I hope we’re not too late! He’ll give me what I want!” Regaining his balance, Ray careened towards the shore; Skipper tried to follow, but stumbled and fell on his face.
He must have fainted; by the time he feebly pushed himself up, Ray was slowly wandering back towards him. Ray sat down in the shade of an overhanging dune and looked glumly at the large brown object in his hand. Skipper moved towards him, nearly falling at each step. As he got nearer he shouted, “Did you get a wish? Is there still time?”
Ray nodded without looking up. Skipper found new strength and trotted eagerly towards the shore. Ray watched as Skipper approached the huge tortoise, waving his arms and screeching. Then suddenly, Skipper turned and ran back, with a cloud of bright green birds pursuing him. The tortoise had vanished.
Ray showed no emotion as Skipper collapsed behind him, cowering from the flock of moist and oily looking green birds that circled overhead. Skipper coughed and cried, “What happened? I wanted food! I asked for a bunch of juicy carrots, not dirty old birds!”
Ray smiled grimly and handed the large brown object to Skipper, saying, “I think those are parrots.” Skipper sniffed the brown mass and said, “What is this? It smells like food! Can I have it? Don’t you want it?”
Ray sighed, “Go ahead. I didn’t really want a huge peanut anyway.”