Joke of the Day

[Starrz]

I dunno. I just got really, really, really bored here, and I felt like doing this.

I'm gonna post a new joke every day!

Starting with today!

LOLOLOL!!!!

LAWLLAWLLAWLSKEETSKEETLAWLSKEET


2/12/09

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

[Endorgan]

lol! I have a joke about Jesus of my own I would like to tell.

The art teacher let all of the children paint what ever they want.
Daisy painted a flower,
Jeffery painted a tree,
and when the teacher asked what Jake was painting he said,"Jesus."
The teacher told him,"No one knows what Jesus looks like."
Jake looked up at her and said,"You'll know when I'm done with the painting!"

I know this is a little on the disappointing side of the funny line (See below) but I thought I would share it anyway.

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[Jimmy Jazz]

i have a joke as weeelll.

so this interviewer is interviewing a pirate and the interview go's like this:

inter: so, how did you lose your leg?

pirate: a cannon blew my leg off.

inter: oh, how did you lose your hand?

pirate: it got cut off in a cutlass fight

inter: ah, and how did you lose your eye?

pirate: a bird pooped in it.

inter: i didn't know you could lose your eye by having a bird poop in to it.

pirate: well, in my defense it was my first day with me hook.

[Untadaike]

Nice!

How do you know your sister's an alien?





She knocks before coming into your room

[Renegade_Turner]

A child was watching his grandfather smoke a cigar one day. He wanted one and so he asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"
"Well, son, is your penis long enough to touch your bum?"
"No..."
"Well come back to me when it is, for then you will be a man."
The next day the child saw his grandfather having a beer, and asked the same question, and his grandfather told him the same story about when he was able to touch his penis to his bum that he would be allowed.
Then one day the grandfather saw the child eating some cookies. The grandfather wanted one, and so he asked,
"Here son, can I have one of those cookies?"
The child thought about this for a while. Then something appeared to dawn on him and he asked his grandfather a question,
"Grandpa, can you touch your penis off your bum?"
The grandfather straightened up and put his hands on his hips, and said with much satisfaction,
"Yes, boy, I believe I can!"
The child grinned smugly,
"Then go fuck yourself because grandma made these cookies for me!"

[nutcracker]

lol

[Starrz]

2/13/09 (Friday the 13th!)

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

[Endorgan]

The patented Funny Meter says:

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Nice one!

[Starrz]

2/14/09

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

[Chainsaw man]

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Rednecks... so stupid...

Two Aliens make a Landing in Egypt to find other life forms.
They Come to an Abandoned Petrol station. Its paticularly resonable in size.

They deside to make an aproch. the Aparent leader of the Expidion walks up to one of the Petrol pumps and says "Greetings Earthling, take us to your leader"

and Of course. the Petrol pump says nothing. There is a breif pause before he says again "Earthling! Take us to your Leader! Now!" he says iritated by the pumps insolence, one of the others in the expidion looks up at him warryed "Ough.... dont do that, ugh..." How ever he is silenced.

The Expidon leader says once more "Look earthling if you dont take me to your Leader now, Im going to get very angery!!!". Again the same Alien says "I dont think thats a good Idea, you dont..." again he was silenced "Lisson! dont Queston my way of handing diplomacy, this lifeforms being a stuborn little smart ass! If you got any better ideas Id like to hear them, if not shut up!"
The Alien did what he was told.

He asked the Petrol pump once more "Ok, Punk! This is the last time I ask, next time Im not asking... Take me to your leader!" Again, the Petrol pump, Unphased and unthinking just stood there as they do.

Frustrated He Grabed his Ray gun and waved it at the pump "Ok! Take me to your leader, or I wil Shoot!" The other Alien Piped up and yell "Dont do it!" the Leading Alien yelled back "Shut up!"

He aimed the Raygun at the Pump and said "ok, Im gonna give you to the count of 3 to tell me where your leader is, or I will shoot! Ill do it!" the Alien yelled. Again the Another Alien yelled "No dont! this is Crazy!"

The Alien began Counting...
"1, 2, 3 and a half!"
By this time the Other Alien began panicing and started to run.
On the full mark of 3 the Alien Shot the ray gun. The Petrol Station exploded sending the Aliens flying off into all Directions.

The Desert went quiet, Half burryed in the sand were those two Aliens. As they proseded to dig themselves out the Leading one asked "Well Zork... what the hell just happend..."
The Other said "well Captan, I tryed to warn you, but you wouldent hear me out. Any Alien with a Dick long enough to Wrap it round himself and Stick it in his owen ear you dont want to fuck with"

[BunnyWithStick]

Essentially the lengthened version of that joke from the Puffin Book of More New Zealand Jokes: "No, they just stood there with a silly look on their faces and their pricks stuck in their ears."

[Starrz]

2/15/09

There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, one named Dick, and one named Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pee jumps around outside.

The teacher returns and yells, "Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!"

[Glabbit]

lol.

[Starrz]

2/16/09

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asks the clerk.

"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist."

[Starrz]

2/18/09
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to crack the shells on the M&Ms.