Wolfire Games Forums

what's a good way to explain to your girlfriend that making plans that not necesarily cancel but limit/hinder the first real date you've gone on with her in a month, timewise, is not something you're just gonna get over?
and that you're gonna be pissed/upset/hurt/whatever
b/c i've tried every way i can think of, and she still doesn't seem to get that when i tell her that she needs to make up her mind about whether she's gonna cancel the secondary plans or not, that the thing to say is "i'm sorry i made plans without thinking about the plans i had with you, i'll cancel because i love you" and not "i don't want you hurt but this is the way it's going to be"
i'm pretty hurt by it
i can't do anything about it, cuz it's like a first time offense, and foreal, hurting her would hurt me...

i need a SERIOUS IDEA
because this is not good...

dude
i'm dead serious
serious ideas...

sorry blorx can't help you here, don't know the girl, and I've never had that happen to me. seems like you like her alot why bother telling her, you should just be happy you can see her.

I think I need a few more details before I can give a complete answer. But from what I've gotten (or just made up in my mind...):
So you both, together, made plans to hang out, go to dinner, shag in the back seat of your beater, drop-kick babies while walking in the park, and so on and so forth, right? Then something came up and in her excitement she made plans with someone else on the same day, week, month, you were going to make babies (burn houses, smash mailboxes, fart in open windows)?
Now, before you go crying like a whiney little pissant about how she's hurting your feelings, you should see why she made plans on the same day both of you already made plans together. It could have been a friend she hadn't seen in years, it could have been that she needs to save all the sea lions from overpopulation by clubbing them with a bat (Yes, she is Sea Lion Girl, Savoir of the Sea Lions, you just don't know it...), you don't know, from the sounds of it. She's stuck because you're acting all butt-hurt because she wants to change a few plans on you (thus making her feel even more guilty), and because she said she'd go hang out with someone else on that day. Figure out what's going on before overreacting and throwing a fit.
From the sounds of it, you're going to be around each other for a while, so moving a few dinner reservations around and changing the times you're going to see movies won't be much of a hassle. If you like her so much you should be a bit more accommodating or at least talk to her and try to come to some agreement, rather than saying, "NO. YOU HURT FEELINGS. HURT FEELINGS BAD. CHANGE PLANS NOW." If you just do that, she's immediately going to respond in kind and you're just going to end up butting heads.

So in summary:
Talk to her, see why she changed plans on you, and then work with each other to come up with something that works for the both of you.

Grey is Right.

if not, why not ask if you can join her on her secondary plan?
One little note, While clubbing sea lions, remeber to have a submarine that can rapidly get you back to the shore line incase you need to get in the car.

Another thing, dont let there cuteness get in the way of blowing them up. Poke them enough times in the right place and they should explode. And remeber, green peace are internatonal terorists in reality, dont let them fool you with there offer of Carrot juice.

Rephrase your problem cause I had trouble understanding it. I am looking forward to seeing Wolfire Forums' solution.

OK big rephrase

We made plans to go out to a movie on Friday night. It's the first time we've done anything in a month.
Then last night, she calls telling me that we're going to have to find a way to bump it up. She made plans to spend the night at a friend's that night.
Neither of the times that movie's showing fit her schedule.
I tried telling her that it wasn't going to be a good idea and that the idea was hurting me or whatever, but she insists.
And the rest is obvious.

EDIT: yeah, Gray, we went over that already...apparently she's just changing plans on me for the hell of it...b/c she didn't have a reason other than she wanted to...

Well, your a Couple, where ever she gose, you go. Ask if your GFs Freind would want you around.
Who knows, it could end In a Threesome!

Chainsaw man wrote:Well, your a Couple, where ever she gose, you go. Ask if your GFs Freind would want you around.
Who knows, it could end In a Threesome!

going FOR the night
i think her parents wouldn't want me there =P
yeah...

There is no "good" way of telling someone that you're being hurt by their actions. Say it straight, don't whine about it and don't try to look like the damsel in distress. It just makes you look like a whiney little dick if you do that.

From what I can see: Negotiations have failed. Either on your end or hers, but most likely: Ya'll both screwed up. I highly doubt either of you was listening to the other person. But, that's already said and done, there's nothing you can do to "fix" the situation.
You now have two choices (that I can see):

1. Continue to cry and whine about how much what she's doing is hurting your feelings and how you're going to be angry and hurt about it and you're going to start cutting yourself every night. Once you've done that, hold it over her every time you see her and make her feel even worse for wanting to see her friends instead of you on that one night.

2. Suck it up. As you said earlier, its a "first time offense" (makes it sound like you own her or something...or its a prison...). Have her call you in advance the next time she knows she's going to be free and plan for that. People sometimes do insensitive things to the people they like without meaning to, you make it sound like she's tearing out your heart and then after lighting it on fire, peeing on it, lighting it on fire again, swirling it around in a clogged toilet with a 10-foot pole and then dumping it in the ocean. Accept what she's done, everyone has friends and no one likes being crowded by other people. So let it go, if she does it again, remind her that she's already canceled on you once.

Although from the sounds of it, you've made it quite clear that you're hurt by her actions, now make it clear that you can be understanding and accept her even with her "first time offense".

ok well
i think it's fixed now
but yeah
i was overreacting
idk
january is always a bad month for me...idk why...it's like bad luck or something...cuz lots of random things happen that get me grouchy

okay so maybe it's not fixed
she made plans today, which she promised to be with me on in reparation for making other plans.
then she gets mad at me when i tell her she broke her promise to me
now she wants me to hang out tomorrow but i'm on the borderline of not doing it because i'm both pissed off and disappointed in her for breaking the promise and then acting like she didn't do anything wrong

do it, otherwise it will piss her off cause she'll say you were trying to hang out with her and now that she can do it you don't want too, it's illogical, but it happens a lot and it's irritating.

fixed again
since she couldn't make a sacrifice and give up whatever chance she had today
and hasn't made any real sacrifices in the 3 months we've been dating
i decided that i'm not gonna make any more sacrifices for her until she can make one for me

no more giving her back-rubs (at least until she can make a sacrifice)
=D

best thing is...it was a deal...and she agreed to it
hehe
and it's a realization thing...not revenge like the Count suggested so no guilty conscience
can't wait til she realizes how many things i do are sacrifices
this'll be FUN!