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So... anyways. I was feeling bored today so i thought i would share the greatest thing ever with you! really! And here it is!







WARNING: Not for the faint of heart!











So here it is. What you gotta do, is type a story without relenting on your keyboard once. Then, fix up the mistakes and submit your great story!
Alright, here goes!

Peter Parker was walking along when he met a green house. The house told him to go to the store and buy a pint, as the house had had a bad day at work, and needed to get hammered. So Peter Parker went to the corner store, but the shopkeeper said: SORRY WERE ALL OUT OF PINTSES. Then a Bill Gates came in. He asked for a microsoft. Anyways, Peter Parker was forced to return to the house empty handed. Then the house made him go on an epic journey as punishment for the not getting of the pint. Peter had to fight a dragon, then collect all forty two rings of power, and then he had to unleash the power of 9 upon them. Then peter died from internal haemorrhaging.

So theres my story!
Dont hate me for being a loser!

If dogs can read books, then what can they read of us?
You think of a song? Then sing it. My name is Bilboka and I never forget.
That I fear depths is true, this is right. I am not from Italy.
Clear before the touch of oil, from where?, from underneath, under the paper, behind the glass and next to the opal.
Wash your fork, Timothy.

Untadaike wrote:If dogs can read books, then what can they read of us?
You think of a song? Then sing it. My name is Bilboka and I never forget.
That I fear depths is true, this is right. I am not from Italy.
Clear before the touch of oil, from where?, from underneath, under the paper, behind the glass and next to the opal.
Wash your fork, Timothy.

Good job! I really like it. Timothy is a good random name, isn't it?

Thank you.

hmmm...
ahh, what a nice day.
Wait, is that a car I hear pulling up outside my house
Yes, now I can see it pulling up out the window. My god, I haven't seen anything like this since I was in Honduras in '80s... White van...black tinted windows...OMG! THE DEATH SQUAD!!!
¡BLAM,BLAMDEE-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!
*death rattle*
Oh, right, they don't just shoot you, they take you to their place, torture you to death for the names of other contras and then dump limp your body in a pile.

Hmm, sorry if that one wasn't as funny.

That's fine. Being funny random is hard. You never know when it will happen.

All sorts can try out. Oh, all but you.

Don't get so upset about a little cup on the hand, I'm sure it'll come right off.

Sweet, sweet, corn. Damn.

Beans beans beans beans.

Beans.

They come in a tin and I run out of ideas fast. Beans uh.

Crap I already stopped.

*restart*

Beans are beans. They come in tins and from plants and people eat them in the sauce and stuff. They taste like the sauce I bet they would be gross without the sauc

Damnit I stopped again. I'm not very good at this.

It was only a matter of time before Invertin showed up. YAY! Do what you're best at!

AIIIGHH.

URRGHH!

er-
Hello

Let's try this again.

Maybe I'll come up with a backstory for Lipra Loof.

Why not.

Lipra Loof is a person who wears a tophat and two monocles and has super powers but only on

DAMNIT I STOPPED

I EVEN KNEW WHAT DAY IT WAS IT WAS JUST LIPRA LOOF BACKWARDS AND THE WORDS SWITCHED ROUND WHY AM I SO STUPID

ARGH

I'll have another go later.

This is a story me and my friend Jay wrote in after-school study back when we were in school. I know it's not keeping with the rules because it was written already but it was pretty retarded so I said I'd put it in with the other retarded stories.

WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE, NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS (UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE)

"Josef Stalin : Social Policy On Hookers And Cake"

Josef Stalin was a fat, hairy bitch. He had always been known for his sneaky ways in which he tricked young cake entrepreneurs into selling him their most prized cakes at low prices, or by signing a legal contract. This was further displayed in the Lemon Meringue Incident of 1938 in which Josef Stalin forced Willie Stroke to sign a credit note to the value of 9000 merangue pies. Yagoda, the head of the NKVD, Stalin's secret police, was quoted as saying,
"The lemon meringue pies were of a smooth and creamy nature. I don't know how Stalin does things like this, but the cake is now in our posession and we are carrying out an investigation to determine the quantity of the aforementioned cake as we speak."
Shortly afterwards, Yagoda was found in the NKVD storage room gorging on the pies, and when Stalin was told, he was furious. Yagoda was executed later that week. In his place, Stalin assigned Patkov McCrotchiev. McCrotchiev was a firm supporter of Cakism and that aroused Stalin.
During McCrotchiev's Reign Of Cake he imported some of the most prestigious cakes in all the land. Such was the infamous Black Forest Gateaux, which later led to his expulsion from The Three Musketeers. The impact of egg mayonaise on the Soviet Union was huge. Arsetiev McWilly is quoted as saying,
"This is a land free of sour sugar. We in Stalin's firm bosom have enjoyed years of savoury desserts and golden hookers."
McWilly was a known abuser of heroin and cocaine. The source of this attributed quote has been heavily debated over the past years, and its reliability is undetermined.
Stalin's biggest achievement was the Rule By Decree Act of 1940, which allowed him to sign over 10,000 decrees in his time, the first of which was the Decree Of Cake, stating that he, Stalin, would be given sole ownership of all the cake in the Soviet Union from that point forward and with the additional clause that all children be employed in puppy making factories. The reason for the additional clause in the decree is unknown.
Stalin began a campaign of Collectivisation which forced all the bakers in the rural area to allow their produce to be taken. It was claimed that the cake was for the mine workers, but many believed Stalin was stashing the cake in his mammy's attic. Stalin was quoted as saying,
"There's not enough. We need more cake. If any of you are hiding cake from me, I swear I'll kill you. I'LL KILL YOU ALL. What're you looking at, monkeyman? I fucked yo' momma bitch. Come on, let's go you fat mothafu-...(report finishes for unknown reasons)"

My oh my! That's good. I have a story brewing. I'll edit this post once it comes to life.

I had no idea where this was going at any point during its writing

Frank, the manly man

If ever there was a man it was frank. He was the manliest of men that ever had been seen in man town, and I can tell you, there are some pretty manly men around there, like terrence - he's what you'd call a "real" man, and phillip - actually phillip's a bad example, he's more of a "she" man. Anyway this guy I was talking about, frank, liked to go down to the river and paddle around in his man boat without using a paddle, because paddles are for girls, and sing manly songs like "hi ho hi ho" all day long. Then he'd come back home for a big bowl of manflakes a good night's sleep.

One day though as he was paddling around in his boat he heard a scream coming from the river, so he paddled over to where it was coming from a lo, before him was a thing of great interest - this was a thing that would be of great importance to the plot of this tale, something that would cause frank to embark on some sort of journey of discovery, both physical, spritual, phychological and something else ending with "al" that I can't think of right now, like musical only not, because this is a man story not some sort of girly musical.

*oops - relented on keyboard*

Devilsclub wrote: thats what i wrote without looking at me keyboard

You're supposed to correct the mistakes after. Although, with you, I'm not sure it would make any difference.

Whaleman! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5A-xPxr5L8

Richie Rabbit wrote:Whaleman! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5A-xPxr5L8

Oh good christ! Wtf!