Seriously worried

[nerodx]

My friend has been getting really depressed lately and she's been getting worse. She was talking to me about suicide this morning but I'm hoping I talked her out of it. She's already in therapy and last time she tried anti-depressants she went suicidal again. Her dad's side of the family pretty much disowned her last week and I'm really scared. I know a lot of you guys have talked about your experiance with these kinds of things so I was hoping maybe you could give me some tips on how to get her to be happy again. Anything you guys could contribute would be really appreciated.

[Dudeman]

Oh god, sorry man, I can't help you, one of my friends has been talking about suicide but she's more the attention seeking type, I don't think she'll really do it.

[blood-shard]

Argh shit... i dont mean to sound stupid but... i have been in the same kind of situation although i were the one to be all like *argh im gonna kill my self o.o* anyway. If she's depressed dont try and talk out of it, you see the reason why most people they are thinking about suicide is because they did somthing bad,they have a bad past they need to talk whit someone about but they are too scared, and so on. You have to question her alittle even though it might sound alittle stupid. but instead of being all like DONT TALK ABOUT SUICIDE BUHUU, try and confront her and say "hey whats realy the matter ? i cant help you if you refuse to tell me " some of all the pro's out there they are handling people the wrong way. They arent trying to get straight to the center of whats causing the problem, they question the victims of this depression instead of letting them awnser for them selfs. They dig up all the parts of their life time to look through if theres anything there that could have caused this reaction. Ofcourse that aint any bad idea but try and find out first if they have somthing to say on their own. try this out Oh and by the way. pick the right moment not all kinds of stressed sitations like school time or work or what ever and not whit allot of people around ya it could make her confused and maybe alittle scared. Its a one on one thing.

[Ragdollmaster]

If you're close to her, wait until you're both alone somewhere and then ask her about it calmly. Press a little bit. Like, if she says "I don't want to talk about it", you should tell her you're just really worried and want to help her. If she's really insistent about not talking about whatever is causing her problem, just try and explain that you can't help her if you don't know what's wrong. The key is doing it tactfully, because one wrong word and she'll be shut off from you, in a sense, to the point where you'll never probably be able to raise the subject again. So... most likely, it's a one-shot kind of thing. Be careful about it and never assume anything. Tell her positive stuff like that you're there for her, there's lots of people who care about her, etc, etc.

[blood-shard]

If you're close to her, wait until you're both alone somewhere and then ask her about it calmly. Press a little bit. Like, if she says "I don't want to talk about it", you should tell her you're just really worried and want to help her. If she's really insistent about not talking about whatever is causing her problem, just try and explain that you can't help her if you don't know what's wrong. The key is doing it tactfully, because one wrong word and she'll be shut off from you, in a sense, to the point where you'll never probably be able to raise the subject again. So... most likely, it's a one-shot kind of thing. Be careful about it and never assume anything. Tell her positive stuff like that you're there for her, there's lots of people who care about her, etc, etc.

you beat me to it there ragdollmaster xD

[Zhukov]

Okay, you sound genuine. However, please be aware that - without specific information about the subject or your relation to her - I can only offer general advice. If you wish to help your friend then the smartest thing for you to do is contact a mental health organization. If you do not know of one then look in your phonebook. Many of them provide free and anonymous advice, either over the phone or in person. They can give you informed guidance on how to handle suicidally depressed people. You mentioned that she is in therapy; whichever person or organization is running her therapy would be a good place to start.

General advice:
- The main thing is to show her that she can trust you. It is a very good sign that your friend is talking with you at all. Make yourself available and provide a sympathetic ear. Emphasize your concern for her. Spend what time you can with her. Let her do the talking.
- Do not attempt to manipulate or trick her in any way, even for her own good. Be honest, not because it is "the right thing to do" or anything like that, but because it helps maintain trust.
- If you want to tell other people about it, ask her first. If she tells you not to, then don't.
- Talk to her family. They may know things that you do not.

The following should be obvious, but I shall mention them anyway:
- Do not attempt to make light of her problems. Do not be dismissive.
- Do not accuse her of seeking attention. This is something suicidal people encounter often and it really does not help.
- And for goodness sake, do not challenge or "dare" her to kill herself. (Yes, people have been known to try this. No, it didn't work.)

Good luck. I hope it ends well.

[nerodx]

Thanks for the help guys, especially blood shard, that thing you said about DONT TALK ABOUT SUICIDE thing, I've been doing that a lot so I'll try and use your alternatives. As for some of the other things, like the talking to her alone I always do that because she never talks like that in front of other people, but thanks for the tip. I hung out with her yesterday and she seemed a lot better, so I think she'll be okay for awhile, but I'm still going to be careful around her. Thanks guys

[blood-shard]

no problem allthough i werent realy of any help

[kehaar]

That sucks about her dad's side of her bio-family. F*ck them.
At least she has some real family: you.

Two quick suggestions from my wife the therapist, as she left for work: for YOU to call the local suicide hotline and talk to them about it. (You won't have to name her) They'll have really helpful suggestions, and don't forget you might need some good support while you're helping her, too

She says to take it seriously-- I know you are, but her point is to get all help possible, even up to the point where your friend might resent it if things get really down to the wire. The way she put it was, "If you think she might be going to do it, it's better to find out you were wrong than that you were right."

Just reread your post... Her meds could definitely be aggravating her mood: there are lots of different ones, and people's reactions to them are all over the map. They often need to be assessed and modified to fit the person taking them. The therapist needs to know a lot about all the little differences in the meds, and it seems like they often get prescribed by some MD from wherever the patient has insurance, and there's seldom any follow-up to see if they're the right ones.

Also, if her relationship with her therapist isn't to her liking, I recommend looking for another. If there's a women's therapy center of some kind near you, they can probably come up with some good referrals for very low fee or free counciling.

Someone she picks herself may be a lot better for her, especially if the old one was forced on her by her family or some school authority. An attentive, skilled, caring therapist can make all the difference in the world, and so can a crap one-- just in the wrong direction.

Best of luck to you both.

[Uberbeard]

I hate posts like this.
Resisting the urge to post pure satirical malice is just... well, it kills me inside.

[Renegade_Turner]

I know how you feel, Uberbeard.

[Uberbeard]

I know how you feel, Uberbeard.

We're not so different, you and I...

[nerodx]

Thanks kehaar, I might try that thing with the suicide hotline. As for the other things you said about the meds, she stopped taking them awhile ago but her moms been trying to put them back on her but she's been trying to stall her mom. It's been kinda working. She likes her therapist too but gets upset when her mom has to come in and listen in on the conversations. I didn't even know you could do that. Thanks

Oh and, uh, thanks other guys...
You ever think that maybe some people are genuinely looking for help? Ren you made a post like that just a little while back in your Lost thread and it was part of the reason I decided to post this here. It seemed like everyone here as been through something traumatic like this and I honestly never have, so I was hoping for some help from others who have dealt with things like this and weren't involved. But whatever.
Thanks anyway.

[kehaar]

Huh, I don't think I'd get much out of therapy with anyone listening, but with a parent... sheesh.
Maybe it started out as a mediation thing with her mom...

I bet her therapist would see her alone if she asked.

[Glabbit]

I know how you feel, Uberbeard.

We're not so different, you and I...

I HAVE IT! I'VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY!
*points a shaking finger at Uberbeard*
You're... Renegayed_Turner... aren't you?

...wait...
I must research this further...

...
*laziness*
Ah, never mind.
You're off the hook.

A bit of on-topic, as not to be an ass:
I sincerely hope everything turns out all right with this. I know about depressions. And I wouldn't wish one on anyone. Ever.
Death seems nastily pleasant compared to the greater depressions.
Don't let her be fooled by the depression. Please.