Let's Play Madou Monogatari!

[Grayswandir]

This will be my first "Let's Play!" thread attempt. I had to choose something goofy or I didn't think I'd be able to sit through it. I will be playing Madou Monogatari: BIG Kindergarten Kids.
Basic plot:
Arle Nadja is a 5 year old attending kindergarten and has to complete her final exam. Yes, final exam. But to do this, she has to locate her FINAL EXAM CERTIFICATE (of DOOMY HELL). She receives a letter talking about EIGHT MAGICAL GEMS that will GRANT ONE WISH. So she decides to go find these gems and wish for her FINAL EXAM CERTIFICATE (of DOOMY HELL).

...and so, join me as I play in this magical, happy fun land...and hopefully make it out the other end.


The big magical title.


Isn't it usually bad when something fades to red?


I like hiding in the bushes...cause I'm a pedophile.


Hey, look a house.


She blew something up.


You broke Mommy's whiskey vase and Mommy is pissed.


Run!!! Mommy has a knife and she's been drinking!


Shock and awe.


God, that is an ugly creature.


...and I hope she thinks so too...


Their kids are going to be ugly.


Phallic symbols activate!

...And there's the intro movie.

I'm not sure what the image limit per post is, so I'll make a new reply for the next bit.

[Grayswandir]

GAH, I accidentally quit my web browser as I was just about to post...so this is a rewrite.


That stork better not be dropping off a baby. She won't stop waving.


I got the screenshot wrong but its actually mail.


Someone has to get an education around here.


She's eternally happy, even when she sleeps. She's going to get lockjaw.


Wake up and get to work.


Parenting Past-time #321: Making fun of a five year-old.


Maybe if you actually finished middle school.


She actually finished middle school, she would have kept going but she had you.


Right, right, I'm sure I will.

And so begins where I actually get control over our little Arle (rhymes with Barley). I'll post more later on.

[kehaar]

"Mommy has a knife and she's been drinking!"

Hey! You found the original script! Everyone thought that was gone forever.

[Grayswandir]

...And we're back with more BIG Kindergarten Kids!
...so now that I have control, I'm off to get to Kindergarten.

I wonder which way it is.



On my way there I ran into these three creepy looking ladies. They talk about some person named Rai, as if I'd know who that is.


You also get a wonderful conversation like this. On a side note, Arle knocks on everyone's door before entering, she's a very polite little girl.

It takes a surprisingly long amount of time to get to the damn kindergarten. I'd post screenshots but you really don't want to be looking at pictures of a brown poop colored path.


Shut the fuck up.


They just won't let it go will they?


See what I mean? Apparently this has happened before...






You friend drills you for information.


Drunk and incapacitated?





What a helpful and informative speech.

Once "The Headmaster" finishes his...her...speech, you're all jammed into the library where you're supposed to study. Basically, its a way for you to learn a bunch of basic spells and learn game mechanics.

Like this spell...


...and this one...which, in theory, sounds awesome.

You can also chat with your fellow students, but they really don't give any good information:

Didn't we already decide that she couldn't read?


Yeah, that's what I thought.

Once I finished dicking around in the library reading about random crap like fireflies and dragons, I figured it was time to continue on with my quest for the final exam! So I told the teacher to piss off and went home.


Sometimes she can be cute.


Parents, always wanting their kids to grow up faster.

...sorry for the short, picture heavy post, but not much gameplay wise has happened yet, so you're getting horrible jokes and lots of images.
Next time: Grandma, read book, words read, Grandma, read letters, say things.

[Jimmy Jazz]

ahahh... this is nice. hopefully you can make it all the way trough.

[Grayswandir]

...and we're back again!

The load screen is excessively pink.


Off to Grandmother's house we go.


Hello slave girl.


I have a headache, so shut up.


I want those sunglasses.


The proper spelling.


And so, I give her the letter to read because, you know, I'm five.


Definitely five.

"When you have collected the 8 beautiful Secret Stones the sky and stone atop the hermit's mountain will grand you a wish."


To be young and mindless again.


What did I miss?


She says "Certificate" a different way each time.

Grandma pretty much tells me to piss off now and go home and get my house into bed...but being five, I complain of course.

I love being five.


The next day...


Right...right...what?

And so I take a rather dull and empty journey north and end up in the Forest of Light...I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to go here, but no one's helping and I can't find the map.


I meet a cat.


Two cats.

No screen cap but I burn the bastards with a fireball to the face. They deserved it.


The Blob!!!


Magical little girl action pose!


I figured since Fire was working wonders, I'd keep the record of 1-0 going.
To cut a long story short, the blob beat me to death and I died.
Next time: We reload our save and tread more carefully into the Forest of Random Muggings.

[TheBigCheese]

Haha. Loving the comments.

As a side note, are you running an emulator, and what program do you use to screencap if you do?

[kehaar]

"Their brain will dissolve and their IQ will decrease" !!?

Dang, American public schools suck. We didn't get that one 'til 1st grade.

Maybe OG should have a kindergarten tutorial like this...

I'm just sayin'.

[m3nace]

you have reached lvl: 999999 congratulations you have no life
xD

[Grayswandir]

Yeah, I dunno how this game works with leveling...I mean I don't even have a life bar. You gain Cookies for killing enemies, and you have to look at Arle and watch how she dances and what she says during battle to even figure out what her status is.

[Grayswandir]

...And the big adventures of little Arle continue...

So I've been trying to figure out how exactly this leveling thing works, but all I've figured out is that the game thinks I suck.

I went running off to the Forest again and then I realized it was all happy and sunny and I wasn't being attacked.

So I went through the whole "Grandma can read" conversation again and saved in the proper place this time.



Ah...much better, creepy forest.


Burning cats.


Apparently when you use Braindumbed, it drops a bunch of naked babies on your enemies heads. The plaque was wrong, it doesn't melt your enemies brain.


Eat it.




I kicked The Blobs ass this time.


I gained a level...although the info screen still tells me I'm Weak.


I run into this foot thing right after its finished mauling that frog over there.


Maybe its Athlete's Foot?

Apparently this foot thing is important to the frogs (they don't seem to mind having the crap kicked out of them...)


That's right, gimme something.


Alright, one of those Stone things...


I'M FIVE!!!


I was given some of these Ribbet Boots and then I was forced to jump from lilly pad to lilly pad trying to make it to the other side...this was a stupid puzzle and I'm glad I don't have to do it again.

Well I finally make it across and have to fight the Foot Thing...



That's right, hit him where it hurts.


Verbally groin punch him again, that's right.

Right, I'm sure you will.

Eat FIRE!!!

Here's a few screenshots from the battle:

Yes, I'm five.


Dropping naked babies never seems to work.


I found out that if he does this, he instant kills you the next time he attacks.

If you didn't know, this is a Gunbuster reference.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V46ciduAzwo

After about four tries I beat the guy in two turns...yeah, I didn't think it would be that easy...

I burnt his face repeatedly, he better be quiet.


Who cares?

The frog finally gives me the Secret Stone #1 and then gives me the Ribbit Boots as a gift.


Being five, I respond is my usual fashion and he has no idea what to say.


I then run all the way back home to recharge and sleep.

Next time: Where the hell do I go now? No really, I have no idea.

[nutcracker]

Its good, but why didn't you make it as a video and record your own voice and throw those comments.

[Assaultman67]

Fire seems to be effective ... stick with fire ...

Five year old kids always know how to shoot fireballs the best ...

[kehaar]

Really funny comments. You picked a good game for this.

Some really strange subtext-y stuff in this story, too.
I love how the babies = dumbed down... is this a message for little girls about what babies do to you? Not to get knocked up? That adults have their brains melted when they have babies?

And a tough exit exam & certificate for Kindergarten? Huh? I know kids get stressed out over school exams in Japan, but dang. Of course, she seems to be a pretty tough 5-year-old...

[Grayswandir]

Its good, but why didn't you make it as a video and record your own voice and throw those comments.

No video recording software.