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Please tell me, I trust you people to tell me whats on your mind. I have been presented with the idea that I may in fact be going alcoholic.

Every moment I can Spare I try to hang out with friends over improving my life, all my pay checks go towards woodstocks or maviracks (bourbon). I Seem to have lost all hope in my existence yet being accepted into a leading animation course. All my heart feels is revenge despite illigal means of fullfilling it despite never acting on it (but bloody near it). I hate all Those associated with me, and I hurt every one who is suppose to love me, though I feel Li cant love them simply because I just don't love, I am laughing in the face of those who try to help me in Sarcasim, they loose desire to help because I bash them them down to peaces. I feel no one understands, I feel so fucking depress I cant be bothered trying. All achievements are useless. I could use some help.

I think I'm using alcohol to fill some gap.
I'v Lost who I am now, and I just cant seem to find myself.
I Am Surrounded by Legions of Morons and Spiritual FUCK NUTS*
I feel like an Empty Shell. HELP plz...

Note: * Fuck nuts are people who are so deep into spiritualism they think all problems have something to do with the positive chi from the north etc and may not actualy be a Problem, for instance, one could be beset with a harsh problem, yet some one with this FUCK NUT condition thinks that every time you try to explain your problem it can be cured over night like Paralysis or Asbeurgers syndrom. Obviously this is classified as a fugg Packing Fuck nut who has been huffing way too many kittens.

is this a sarcastic joke? I'm not joking it very well could be, but if it's true then I'd say yes you're an alchoholic. Hang in there buddy and stop drinking. Life is too short to spend it on drinking

Chainsaw man wrote:I Seem to have lost all hope in my existence yet being accepted into a leading animation course.

Wow, animation!

You think you should change. So, start changing. You know yourself and your situation best, so start coming up with ways to do something about it. I had a different problem, but I wrote it down and marked it into a calendar. I made angry red crosses to the days I "failed". Having a visual reminder helped. Talking to people would've been more useful, but I didn't have anyone close to me for a while.

Start doing new stuff. Pay for a class (drawing, painting, taiji) or start a team sport or something. The other people there are also interested in the same activity, whatever it is. There's a good change that there are some really cool people out there. If you find one, you'll already have something in common. While looking, learn how to apologize even when you're embarrassed, or hesitating, or nervous. It helps a lot.

m3nace wrote:is this a sarcastic joke?

No

m3nace wrote:I'm not joking it very well could be, but if it's true then I'd say yes you're an alchoholic. Hang in there buddy and stop drinking. Life is too short to spend it on drinking

Thank you...

Endoperez wrote:

Chainsaw man wrote:I Seem to have lost all hope in my existence yet being accepted into a leading animation course.

Wow, animation!

You think you should change. So, start changing. You know yourself and your situation best, so start coming up with ways to do something about it.

To tell you the truth I have lost who I am to anger, hatred and horrible experiences.
Granted I Draw and write shitty fiction full of spelling errors and poor grammar, that Is all that seems I can get in touch with the true me. I use to get angry when people did nasty things to me, demolishing rooms and leaving a warpath of damage on a regular bases, now I'm just so apathetic I don't do anything, I just let stuff be. I have no real opinions or judgments on right or wrong any more. I lost my greatness. I have hidden this as much as I could with but a tiering smile, yet even with out the effort everyone is blind to my deeper needs.


You Know, I'm just too stubborn and stupid to be helped. Fuck it...
I seem to know what my problems are, but I just cant seem to fit the hundreds of pecices together, I just don't have sticking power to do it.

I also think I'm developing a Multiple personality's, I think...
At times I feel like I need demons removed from me cause there is something there that is not me. I feel Out of control with my thoughts. You know what, I'm just an abuser of all things.

...input?

I don't know what's going on in your mind, but I think you might be manic depressive.

At times I feel like I need demons removed from me cause there is something there that is not me. I feel Out of control with my thoughts.

This doesn't sound like mpd. Based on this, I would assume you're just going through a tough time, and can't deal with it. I would suggest putting some of your alcohol money into a therapist, or psychiatrist. They'd be able to help you much better than we can. I hope you find a good solution soon.

Main Entry: 1al·co·hol·ic
Pronunciation: \ˌal-kə-ˈhȯ-lik, -ˈhä-\
Function: adjective
Date: 1790

1 a : of, relating to, or caused by alcohol b : containing alcohol
2 : affected with alcoholism

— al·co·hol·i·cal·ly \-li-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy.

Lots of drinking is self medication. Numbs the rage for a minute or two. But it wears off, so you keep re-applying it.... and all it does is scramble your brain and fuck your health up and leaves the problem the same as ever. It's basically really shitty meds, like taking a handful of aspirin for a stomach ache.

Chainsaw man wrote: You Know, I'm just too stubborn and stupid to be helped. Fuck it...
I seem to know what my problems are, but I just cant seem to fit the hundreds of pecices together, I just don't have sticking power to do it.

I also think I'm developing a Multiple personality's, I think...
At times I feel like I need demons removed from me cause there is something there that is not me. I feel Out of control with my thoughts. You know what, I'm just an abuser of all things.

You ain't stupid. You're smart enough to recognize when you're sick of the shit, sick of feeling like this. That's how you start. Plus we know you're smart here at the forums...

I'm with Sandurz: don't feel like you have to figure it all out on your own; get some help. Find a real therapist, someone you respect. If you don't like the first one you see, try another.

I'm not much for that spiritual stuff either. It just sounds like more cover-up to me, avoiding the root of the problem, about like the alcohol IMO.

I know where you're coming from. I used to be this friendly, fun-loving person, but now I only have like 3 friends (maybe less now, I haven't seen one of them in a month or so), dropped out of college, I do nothing now but sit around, and every morning I hate waking up to another day. I don't like being around people, I've pushed most of the people who I was ever close with away, and I don't ever let anyone new in. And I seem to like it this way. I don't want new friends, I don't want to go out and do things. There is very little in the world that I actually do care about, and I've tried before to care about other things, but it just doesn't happen.

Now, I don't drink (or smoke, or any kind of drug use), but I felt like I could connect to your story. I don't know if it helps.

Sandurz wrote:I don't know what's going on in your mind, but I think you might be manic depressive.

At times I feel like I need demons removed from me cause there is something there that is not me. I feel Out of control with my thoughts.

This doesn't sound like mpd. Based on this, I would assume you're just going through a tough time, and can't deal with it. I would suggest putting some of your alcohol money into a therapist, or psychiatrist. They'd be able to help you much better than we can. I hope you find a good solution soon.

You know, I think your simplist of answers was probobly the most true to nature, maybe I am Just going though a Rough time and cant deal with it. One things for sure I got to give up the piss. It is not the best med for some one like myself.

I'm a Social Drinker, I drink with friends and get competitive with the last standing. My Friends are a Bunch of Westie Motor head brogans, to tell you the truth I have no interest in there hobby's, I have just been looking for friendship; I quit school at 14 and bumbed around at home for as long as I had. I occasionally went to alternative education course finding them a bit of a waste trying to get butts on seats. I at one point tryed to become a Cook, coffee maker, and Bar man at this one course but failed miserably under pressure, shaken for a few weeks. Then I had an opportunity to go to the US and maybe make something of myself, what really happened was my family moved into my Grandfathers wifes place. We were feed story's on how we would make a new home there, and find a new beginning. It turned out we were to become cheep laborers for a feed lot that was probably loosing money faster than shit though a cow. I got to see everyone in my extended family for the demons they were, my grandmother decided to goad us into leaving and getting a place in Eugen in Oregon, she Promised us she would give us a loan to buy a decent home, but she bailed. Some how It ended up with me living out of the back of a van crammed to death with possessions that belonged to other people we simply did not need for nearly 6 months. By that time I started to feel powerless over my own fate. You would think when I returned to New Zealand I was happy again. I was, I was back to a life I knew. But I just cling to the Feeling of Anger, yet I feel so incapable of expressing my anger.

Sorry to bore you, I'm sure you all skimmed above.

Input?

h2ostra wrote:I know where you're coming from. I used to be this friendly, fun-loving person, but now I only have like 3 friends (maybe less now, I haven't seen one of them in a month or so), dropped out of college, I do nothing now but sit around, and every morning I hate waking up to another day. I don't like being around people, I've pushed most of the people who I was ever close with away, and I don't ever let anyone new in. And I seem to like it this way. I don't want new friends, I don't want to go out and do things. There is very little in the world that I actually do care about, and I've tried before to care about other things, but it just doesn't happen.

Quite Insightful. Not all apply to us all, but I do see some similarity's with me. I will say to you something that is important to hear, I heard from some one else. Do not sit stagnate for so long that you blink and 30 years have past and you have still not made a move. It happens to allot of people, its easy, many Genius mind have been lost to this tendency.

I think the Difference between you and me might be I have a compulsive driving desire to meet new people, explore there thoughts and be engaged by them and let them be he same. In some ways I Drink to find these people.

I have a friend that goes to a Psychiatrist, and he says that he feels 300% better every time he goes, and he really doesn't even have a reason to go. Look one up in your area, regardless of if you think you really need one.

sounds to me like quite severe depression

hang in there buddy

Don't trust psychiatrists, never have. filthy creatures.

Thanks for the Advice, I have set a goal to stay off the booz for a month.
I am probably susceptible to depression. I have decided to put that money into something better and have continued my old hobby of war gaming. My Animation course starts in 3 months, I just need to stay positive. I have been to therapists in my child hood for some of my more extream violent behavior, it really did nothing for me. It just made me understand I was different from the people around me, and no mater how hard I may try I would never fit in. Well, things should be able to head on up, I just gotta hang in there, as you all say.

Damn you, now im depressed too!

heres something to cheer you all up

chimpanzee ridin on a segway!!!!