hmm. First, thanks for reading it all and thanks for responding!agarrett wrote:The cussing takes away from the story. When was the last time you've seen a knight swear?
Ok, a few things: one, they're not knights. They're not even foot soldiers. The dog is a potato farmer and I figure Ishi to be about 16 years old and working as an apprentice in a grain mill.
Two, what would you say if you were alone and four big grown-ups armed with axes were chasing you through the grass with the clear intent to kill you? What would you say in your shame when you admitted to yourself that you had turned a kid over to vicious killers for a bit of money, even though he had never done anything to you or anyone you knew?
Three, I know you're not that old, but I promise you adults talk that way-- and far, far worse-- for far less reason. As for swearing through history, I think if you do a little research you'll be appalled how people used to talk. Check out the shows Deadwood and Rome, with the historical research bits in the extras on the dvds. Also, when someone accuses somebody of "swearing like a sailor", they have absolutely no idea what that means. Some of those guys' songs from the last 200 years are so outrageously raunchy they're hilarious, and lots of 'em are straight up pornographic. Nobody nowadays even comes close, not even rappers.
All that said, your point that it is distracting is a very good one. The story is supposed to be about fear, and desperate tactics, and how decisions can have unforeseen consequences. If the swearing is distracting from the violence and fear instead of making it seem more real, then it isn't helping the story!
Keep up your own writing, agarrett. I think you do really well.
EDIT: All right, fixed it for ya, agarrett. It was starting to distract me thinking about it.
