Sneak Peak on Lugaru the setting dawn storyline

[Untadaike]

Dang, that's some good writing, Stomboli.

[kehaar]

Yeah, and the music really ups the tension, too.

[Devilsclub]

Don't take this the wrong way, but your dialog sucks. It's barely legible in it's current formatting and it's overall neither interesting nor well phrased.

I'm going to translate for all those who just want to know what the hell your story IS.

"Kiara, wait!" Turner rose to stop his companion. "Alpha wolf might still be alive."

Kiara strode towards the inert body of the once powerful alpha wolf. "You worry too much," she giggled, as stooped low for a better look at their work. Turner tightened his grip on his oak quarterstaff, observing their surroundings. "Look, we already rescued Skipper. Let's just get out of here."

The crack of a tumbling pebble brought Turner's attention to the hill above, only to see a pair of ragged rabbits sailing downwards. "Holy shit!" Kiara exclaimed, turning towards their assailants. A long shimmering blade had already been drawn from a brace of knives at her belt, and it slammed into the soil behind the lead rabbit.

Pulling the knife from the ground, the raider shifted into a fighting stance and rested his hand on the pommel of a sword in his belt. "How dare you wander onto the alpha wolf's territory?" he breathed.

Turner stepped forward, revealing the gray carcass behind him.

The two raiders stood in awed silence, mute as they drew their short, battered weapons and advanced towards the companions.

DUN DUN DUNNNN

i must say that is cool but how can you fit things like turner stepping forward?

[Untadaike]

You were loosely describing a part in your campaign, and now he's loosely describing it better. Of course you can't make the characters move in dialogue(except their heads), even though that would be cool.

[Grayswandir]

I think it sounded so much better with "OMG" and "eeek". Fits Devilsclubs personality much better.

[Lotus Wolf]

I definitely like Stromboli's version better, but it's still lame.

[Untadaike]

I think it sounded so much better with "OMG" and "eeek". Fits Devilsclubs personality much better.

The reason Stromboli's didn't seem like Devilsclub's writing was because it wasn't written by Devilsclub. It was written by Stromboli. My point being, Stromboli probably wasn't trying to imitate Devilsclub's writing style. Which is a good thing. Yes Anyway, we'll all see how the actual campaign is when we play it for ourselves!

[Lotus Wolf]

I actually doubt we will ever play it.

[Untadaike]

I actually doubt we will ever play it.

You more of a "glass half-empty" kinda person? only joking
But cough*some of us have the same worries...

[Lotus Wolf]

You more of a "glass half-empty" kinda person?

Not really, he just hasn't shown us anything that would inspire faith in his modding skills.

[Untadaike]

[irony]Yeah, from my past xp with your online self, you've been a really negative person
But yeah, I'm kinda thinking like that now as well.

[Lotus Wolf]

Negative, eh... Hmm... You probably catch me when I'm irritated about something, because I'm usually quite sociable.

also: Online xp? you mean on the IRC? or just successive posts on the forums?

[Devilsclub]

So what do you guys want to see?

currently im working on the maps.Im actually just putting pieces of rocks all over the place like some kind of maze.there will be 3 ways to go in one map.one will go right up and lead to a pit of fire.second will lead to around 7 raiders and 1 wolf.the third path is the one that will lead you to the king.(Alphawolf) thats the last level.(i have not finished yet)in still making lvl 3 or something.

and if you want ill show you some of my ideas for the maps.

[Untadaike]

Negative, eh... Hmm... You probably catch me when I'm irritated about something, because I'm usually quite sociable.

also: Online xp? you mean on the IRC? or just successive posts on the forums?

Never mind. It was a joke. From my experience with you you've been nice

[Ragdollmaster]

It's really not that good. You seem to be trying to force yourself to make something good. I think I saw a poster about this... "Incompetence - When you sincerely believe doubling your efforts can compensate for a lack of skill, there's no end to what you can't do."

That describes devilsclub pretty well.

Anyways, the story really adds more depth to the campaign, and it would help if it's good, but your main focus should be the level design and making the campaign unique.